IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

In some countries, there has been an increase in the number of advertisements which try to persuade children to buy snacks, toys, and other goods. Parents often claim that these ads are unfair. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#countries #advertisements #children #snacks #toys #goods #parents #ads
It is true that the
advertisements
 that persuade
children
 to buy goods
such
 as snacks and toys have increased. There are mixed views as to
this
 kind of advertisement. Some
people
 believe
this
 kind of advertisement should be banned. In my view,
this
 situation should be accepted by
children
.  On the one hand, various kinds of
products
 are exposed by
advertisements
 through the internet and TV shows,
however
, many of the display are not related to the
products
 that the consumers' needs.
Furthermore
, some of those broadcasts are directed cool to persuade and attract
people
,
thus
,
people
 might buy the goods even if they do not need to.
Therefore
, patience and self-control are necessary not to waste,
however
, it is true that
children
 have less patience to control their desires.
Consequently
,
children
 might spend their money on useless things, as well as, parents who have to deal with their offspring's needs can
also
 suffer.
However
, I believe
this
 should be allowed in the young generation.
To begin
 with, there are a lot of goods in markets,
thus
, we need to have proper consumption habits that consume the right
products
 daily.
However
,
people
 might spend over budget on buying
products
 without
this
 habit.
Therefore
, we need to develop
this
 ability, and it is true that we can develop
this
 ability through a lot of failures.
Hence
, the
children
 can improve their consumption habits through exposure to a lot of
advertisements
 and deciding items that they really want. In conclusion,
although
 some
people
 believe that increasing the number of
advertisements
 that are attracting
children
, I believe the young community can improve their consumption habits and thinking ability with
this
 situation.
Submitted by neinpair on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: