IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Many manufactured food and drink products contain high levels of sugar, which causes many health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree?

#food #drink #products #levels #sugar #health #people
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Nowadays, food is widely available as packed or manufactured products. Most of these packed
items
Use synonyms
 have high
sugar
Use synonyms
 levels which can cause health issues.
Thus
Linking Words
, one solution proposed is to hike the price of
such
Linking Words
sugar
Use synonyms
-rich beverages to reduce their consumption.
This
Linking Words
 essay will discuss why
this
Linking Words
 proposed solution might not be helpful to solve the problem. It is a human tendency to follow expensive
items
Use synonyms
 as a matter of pride.
Although
Linking Words
, increasing the price of high
sugar
Use synonyms
 content food
items
Use synonyms
 can reduce its consumption it will eventually end up attracting a bunch of people. For ,instance people often got attracted to expensive things used by high-class people. Among the main drawbacks of
this
Linking Words
 proposed solution is that it will hurt a lot of industries. There are numerous industries involved in manufacturing these packed food
items
Use synonyms
. All of these industries will lose their business with the introduction of
this
Linking Words
 step.
Instead
Linking Words
 of solving the existing issue, a new issue of unemployment will rise. The idea of increasing the value of these
items
Use synonyms
 could help in bringing its consumption down. But the actual amount of
sugar
Use synonyms
 consumed by us might not decrease as expected.
Therefore
Linking Words
, promoting routine with exercises might solve the problem. The use of a cycle to go to work could be its best example. It could be concluded that consuming high
sugar
Use synonyms
 is dangerous for health introducing problems like weak bones.
Thus
Linking Words
, it is important to address
this
Linking Words
 issue. The path suggested hiking the price of
sugar
Use synonyms
-rich beverages will take us nowhere. We need to take active steps like an active lifestyle and taking proper naps at night to maintain our health.
Submitted by ayushgoswami25 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • health problems
  • manufactured food and drink products
  • sugary products
  • excessive sugar consumption
  • discourage
  • promote
  • healthier choices
  • reduce
  • increased taxes
  • fund
  • health education
  • prevention programs
What to do next:
Look at other essays: