Many government spend a lot of money on art. Some people think this investment in art is necessary, but others say the money is better spent on improving health and education. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
Several governments invest massive money in art and some individuals prefer that investment in art be mandatory,
while
others say that wages exceed in improving health and education. This
essay will discuss both aspects along with
my opinion with reasonable examples and a logical conclusion.
To begin
with, in current days the government is improving businesswise for a better life for many reasons such
as art, any place you go you will find pictures why don’t you keep what you see as a memory. History identifies who you are and where you come from. Travelling across the world museums are everywhere holding a short story telling us of humankind in the old days, so the next generation comes they can understand their ancestors originally . Nevertheless
, holding on to our culture therefore
funding huge amounts of money is a good idea. For instance
, Dubai has one of the most famous museums called The Museum of the Future it has a huge impact on tourism which will build the country's growth.
On the other hand
, investing money in health will provide us with longer life, many women find out late that they are carrying breast cancer they will go through chemical treatment which is one of the most difficult stages. Moreover
, investing in schools and universities for educational purposes to improve life and who knows one day there will be flying cars.
In a nutshell, despite people having different views. On balance, however
, I tend to believe that investing in both aspects for goods will make humankind better and nation history to hold and remember where it started .Submitted by saeeddjcj80 on
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task response
Your introduction clearly presents the two viewpoints and indicates that the essay will discuss both. However, it could be slightly more concise. Consider starting with, "Some governments invest heavily in art, while others believe the money should be spent on health and education."
task response
Your essay addresses the prompt well and offers relevant arguments on both sides. However, you could provide more specific examples, especially in the paragraph discussing health and education. For instance, mention specific instances where investment in health or education has led to significant improvements.
coherence cohesion
While there is a logical structure to your essay, the transition between points could be smoother. For example, when moving from one main idea to another, you might use phrases like, "Moreover, it is argued that..." or "Conversely, the investment in health..." This will enhance the flow of your essay.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph contains a clear main idea and is well-developed. The paragraph on health and education could benefit from more elaboration. Explain more why investing in these areas is crucial, perhaps by discussing long-term benefits or citing statistical improvements.
task response
Your conclusion effectively reiterates your opinion and acknowledges different views. It's concise and to the point, which is excellent.
task response
You provided a good example with the Museum of the Future in Dubai, which supports your argument about the importance of investing in art. This strengthens your essay.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which frames your discussion well. Each paragraph addresses different aspects of the issue.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.