IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Technology is destroying social interactions. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#technology #interactions
It could
be describe
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be described
show examples
 that many people around the world
obsessed
Add a missing verb
are obsessed
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to
Change preposition
with
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sports
. Every year,
in
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apply
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many
countries
Add the comma(s)
,countries
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 has
provide
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provided
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 international
sports
events
, for
instances
Fix the agreement mistake
instance
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,
Olympic
Correct your spelling
Olympics
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, Asian
Games
, Sea
games
, World Cup etc., which is beneficial for the
country
.
However
, there has a strong argument from others.
This
 statement has shown both pros and cons as I will discuss and give some personal
opinion
Fix the agreement mistake
opinions
show examples
 in
this
 essay below. Looking at the
first
 side,
to begin
with
Add a comma
,with
show examples
 international
sports
events
 has the potential to improve the
country
's economic growth from various ways, advertisement in
games
 and TVC, license for broadcasting in other countries.
Moreover
,
design
Wrong verb form
designing
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 and
produce
Wrong verb form
producing
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 special merchandise to sell for audiences
also
 earn lots of money which return
into
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the same pocket after the significant investment in the big
events
.
Furthermore
, the
events
 promote and present
country
 along with valuable cultures
in
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at
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 the same time, which is the other benefit to
tourism
Add an article
the tourism
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 industry,
For example
, Tokyo Olympics which launched in 2021,
although
 there set over pandemic but still the great
memorable
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memories
show examples
 for people in the world and reward by income from many ways which I examine above. Turning to the disadvantage of hosting the international
games
, many people who
believes
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believe
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 they pay taxes
consider
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to consider
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 that it
waste
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wastes
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 lots of fund in order to the short period event. There
has
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have
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 other difficult issues to tackle and use that money
instead
 of
sport
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sports
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 event,
such
 as
,
Remove the comma
apply
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poverty
Correct article usage
the poverty
show examples
 problem,
Covid
Correct article usage
the Covid
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 19 pandemic, crime. In conclusion, economic growth and
represent
Wrong verb form
representing
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 the
country
 can be seen as a positive while some citizens prefer to spend
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 other essentials
instead
 of hosting the
sports
events
 has opposed. I firmly believe that
sport
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sports
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events
 lead to
benefit
Wrong verb form
benefits
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far
Correct pronoun usage
that far
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outweigh
Wrong verb form
outweighing
show examples
from
Change preposition
apply
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the drawbacks.
Submitted by mayokz.chalita on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • virtual interactions
  • weaker social bonds
  • isolation
  • mental health
  • anxiety
  • depression
  • shallow relationships
  • reduced empathy
  • nuances of emotional expression
  • counterargument
  • physically unable
  • cross-cultural exchanges
  • interpersonal skills
  • communication technology
What to do next:
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