The government should control the amount of violence in films and on television in order to decrease the violent crimes in society. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#government #control #amount #violence #films #television #decrease #crimes #society

No community in the world is ideal but when there is a high rate of literacy, low offences ratio and rule of law the society is

then

considered near to perfection; Civilised nations have

such

traits. The extent of savagery in movies and on TV should be limited by authorities aiming to reduce the brutality felony which is being

happened

Wrong verb form

happening

show examples

in the human habitat. I fully support

such

kinds of preventive steps and in

this

essay

Add a comma

essay,

show examples

I will discuss all

this

along with

examples. To commence with, The very early reason is impressed by famous celebrities. Since in the

movies

Add a comma

movies,

show examples

most of the roles

Correct subject-verb agreement

are

show examples

being played by well-known stars who have millions of users ,particularly teenagers.

Furthermore

Such

groups of masses are immature to differentiate between the real and imaginary stuff;

Thus

leading them to adopt all

such

roles in real life. To cite an example.

According to

the crime monitoring force in

khyberpakhtoon

Change the capitalization

Khyberpakhtoon

show examples

, 20% of youth in

central

Correct article usage

the central

show examples

jail of Peshawar who

Correct subject-verb agreement

are

show examples

facing various charges of offences

Correct subject-verb agreement

are

show examples

impressed to some extent by feature films.

Secondly

, The other reason is putting wrong ideas in people's minds.

Moreover

, showing the negative roles

Change preposition

show examples

a hero in moving pictures and the offender who plays a destructive part in a serial

is showing

Wrong verb form

shows

show examples

more power and above the law, which

make

Correct subject-verb agreement

makes

show examples

youngsters

Unnecessary verb

apply

show examples

more impressed.

Furthermore

, In ,pictures they are

being

Unnecessary verb

apply

show examples

shown as a winner rather than guilty. To illustrate,

Reference

Change preposition

in Reference

show examples

to the drug control firm report, In Nowshehra, 10% of drug traffickers in the rural areas are influenced by movies that

involved

Wrong verb form

involve

show examples

underworld narcotics smuggling.

To conclude

, Governments should control

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

crime growth by telecasting fewer volumes of transgression stories.

This

due to

the public especially

Correct pronoun usage

those under-16

show examples

under-16

Correct your spelling

under 16

can easily

move

Wrong verb form

be moved

show examples

by popular actors and place negative thoughts in an individual's brain. Given

this

situation, It seems that the film industry should show all

this

as a deterrent rather than a booster to prevent violence in society.

Submitted by engrizazsaeed on Fri Feb 25 2022

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task response

The essay provides relevant arguments and examples to support the opinion. However, there are some gaps in the logical structure and the introduction and conclusion could be more developed.

coherence

The essay lacks a clear organizational structure. Transition words and phrases could be used more effectively to improve coherence and cohesion.

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11Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
19Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

328 words

4.00

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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The government should control the amount of violence in films and on television in order to decrease the violent crimes in society. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some people believe that violence on television and in computer games has a damaging effect on the society. Others deny that these factors have any significant influence on people's behaviour. What is your opinion?

The most important aim of science should be to improve people's lives. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

More and more people are using the internet to do their tasks rather then doing in person. (e.g. banking, shopping, hotel booking etc. ). Do the advantages of this trend outweighs the disadvantages?

Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

Some people think students in primary school / secondary school should be taught how to manage money because it is an important life skill. Do you agree or disagree?