IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7

Many young people spend a lot of time on the internet without any parental supervison or control. What are some of the problems caused by unrestricted use of the internet?

#people #time #internet #supervison #control
Recently, the
internet
 has rapidly developed leading to the growth of many aspects,
such
 as social networks, video games and e-commerce exchanges. They attract strong attention from individuals, especially the youth who has a
lot
 of
time
 using the
internet
. If they do it without parents' control, it may cause many issues for social and
children
's health.
To begin
 with, wasting a cascade of
time
 on the
internet
 as well as using smartphones or laptops may be harmful to the health of the young. Eye diseases are extremely dangerous for
children
, in case their parents do not concern about how many hours their
children
 spend on the
internet
 every day. In a recent survey, a Vietnamese doctor suggested that 90% of teenagers were facing some problems with regard to eyes,
such
 as eye strain, myopic and farsightedness because of using smartphones over
time
. It
also
 may lead to obeying the young because they waste a
lot
 of
time
 on social networks as well as due to lack of exercise.
Nevertheless
, society might be affected if the youth spend a
lot
 of
time
 playing games on phones or surfing social networks without adults' supervision. They pay all of the attention to the
internet
,
therefore
,
time
 is insufficient for doing homework and expanding horizons. It may affect the quantity of labour in the future which is harmful to the growth of society and the economy. Another issue is the tendency for the young to post photos and personal information on Facebook. It can lead to privacy issues and a threat relating to cybercriminals. In short,
children
 who spend too much
time
 on the
internet
 may cause a
lot
 of problems in relation to their health and the development of society if their parents do not control the amount of
time
-wasting on smartphones or laptops. The adults are responsible for checking what their
children
 approach on the
internet
 which is the best way to protect them from crimes in cyberspace.
Submitted by Nhathanh0510 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: