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Writing Samples
Band 7

Many young people spend a lot of time on the internet without any parental supervison or control. What are some of the problems caused by unrestricted use of the internet?

#people #time #internet #supervison #control
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Recently, the
internet
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 has rapidly developed leading to the growth of many aspects,
such
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 as social networks, video games and e-commerce exchanges. They attract strong attention from individuals, especially the youth who has a
lot
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 of
time
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 using the
internet
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. If they do it without parents' control, it may cause many issues for social and
children
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's health.
To begin
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 with, wasting a cascade of
time
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 on the
internet
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 as well as using smartphones or laptops may be harmful to the health of the young. Eye diseases are extremely dangerous for
children
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, in case their parents do not concern about how many hours their
children
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 spend on the
internet
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 every day. In a recent survey, a Vietnamese doctor suggested that 90% of teenagers were facing some problems with regard to eyes,
such
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 as eye strain, myopic and farsightedness because of using smartphones over
time
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. It
also
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 may lead to obeying the young because they waste a
lot
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 of
time
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 on social networks as well as due to lack of exercise.
Nevertheless
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, society might be affected if the youth spend a
lot
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 of
time
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 playing games on phones or surfing social networks without adults' supervision. They pay all of the attention to the
internet
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,
therefore
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,
time
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 is insufficient for doing homework and expanding horizons. It may affect the quantity of labour in the future which is harmful to the growth of society and the economy. Another issue is the tendency for the young to post photos and personal information on Facebook. It can lead to privacy issues and a threat relating to cybercriminals. In short,
children
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 who spend too much
time
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 on the
internet
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 may cause a
lot
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 of problems in relation to their health and the development of society if their parents do not control the amount of
time
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-wasting on smartphones or laptops. The adults are responsible for checking what their
children
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 approach on the
internet
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 which is the best way to protect them from crimes in cyberspace.
Submitted by Nhathanh0510 on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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