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Writing Samples
Band 7

Task 2: In some countries, there has been an increase in the number of parents who are choosing to educate their children themselves at home instead of sending them to school. Do the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?

#countries #parents #children #home #school #development
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In several nations, the number of
parents
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 who teach their
children
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 at home now increases rapidly
instead
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 of sending them to the teacher at
school
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. I believe there are both advantages and disadvantages to
this
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 issue, but their withdrawal sure outweighs the other. On the one hand, homeschooling has lots of benefits, like making strong bonds with
parents
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 and their
children
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, and they can control and teach them more carefully. The reason for
this
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 is because their
parents
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 are teachers too, and they must spend all of their time together, studying and living.
Moreover
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, in certain cases, the increase in homeschooling is because of some special situation,
for example
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, a war or pandemic. I have read the news and know that today many Ukrainian households are forced to stay at home because of the homeschooling policy to limit people going out.
Besides
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 lots of advantages, I think the disadvantages of
this
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 problem are much greater. First of all,
children
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 studying with their
parents
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 means they don'
t
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 have any classmates or
school
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 friends.
This
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 might make it harder for them to communicate with people than
children
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 who study at
school
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. If
this
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 issue is present in the long term, it might go badly and make them have a high ability to have anti-social issues.
In addition
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, they will have fewer skills like teamwork or cooperating with others. Homeschool might bring
children
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 loneliness too because
school
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 is the only place where
children
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 can have some social communication, and now they can'
t
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 acquire that. If there is a problem between their
parents
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 and them, they cannot share it with anybody else because they don'
t
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 have any friends. Because of the generation gap,
parents
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 sometimes can'
t
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 understand their
children
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's thoughts and usually force them to do whatever they want,
thus
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 making
children
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 uncomfortable. In
this
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 type of
school
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,
parents
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 as teachers might destroy a family bond too if they cannot understand each other. In conclusion, my perspective believes that homeschooling might have lots of benefits, but their withdrawals are overweighed.
Submitted by linh.le0995 on

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task achievement
Ensure a clear thesis statement at the beginning to guide your argument throughout the essay.
task achievement
Develop each point with more comprehensive details and examples. At times, the reasons for homeschooling could be expanded upon.
coherence cohesion
Make sure each paragraph flows logically to the next. Transitions between pros and cons could be smoother.
coherence cohesion
Improve the paragraph structure by ensuring each one sticks to a single point before moving to the next.
task achievement
You have presented both advantages and disadvantages of homeschooling, showing an understanding of the task.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion clearly restates your position, summarizing your main points effectively.
task achievement
You provided relevant examples to support your ideas, like the situation in Ukraine.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Flexible curriculum
  • Individual needs
  • Customized educational experience
  • Traditional school setting
  • Controlled environment
  • Social interaction
  • Interpersonal skills
  • Academic subjects
  • Educational gaps
  • Nurturing learning environment
  • Parent-child relationships
  • Significant burden
  • Financial resources
  • Adequate education
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