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Band 5

There are a lot of people traveling abroad for fun and pleasure these days.To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #fun #pleasure
An increasing number of
people
 are visiting countries for leisure.
People
 claim that travelling
bring
Correct subject-verb agreement
brings
show examples
 changes in their lives. In
this
 essay, I would like to briefly explain reasons
of
Change preposition
apply
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how
Correct word choice
why
show examples
 travelling to any foreign
county
Correct your spelling
country
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 brings immense fun and pleasure to
people
 but it can
also
 have a negative impact on the environment. To start with, taking a trip to a new destination gives us
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
exposure to diverse cultures, geographical locations, lifestyles, festivals and occasions. It
also
 creates a bond
amongst
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among
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people
. Peers can learn about their local
tradition
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traditions
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 and customs.
Apart from
this
, tourism encourages the growth of
the
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apply
show examples
local retailers and vendors.
Furthermore
,
people
 are
also
 opting for studies in numerous countries after looking at the benefits.
For instance
, I came across a vibrant festival in India known as Holi, where they use lots of colours.
People
 from all the age groups come together and celebrate the festival with joy.
On the other hand
, whenever travellers visit the country, they tend to use
single use
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single-use
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 plastic bottles or
container
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containers
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. Throw the litter anywhere on the streets or beaches or down the mountains which results in
environment
Replace the word
environmental
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 pollution.
This
 is not safe for the animals
as well as
 the humans. Few
people
 try to disrespect monuments or heritage sites and
cost
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costs
show examples
 millions for reconstruction. To illustrate, recent newspapers – The Hindustan Times, show
the
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apply
show examples
images of the damages on the heritage sites. In conclusion, countries with higher tourism rates
shows
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show
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 a boost in economy and it is
also
 beneficial in other ways.
Nevertheless
, we cannot ignore the fact about the harm caused to the environment and respective measures are
also
 taken by the government.
Submitted by zankrut on

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Task Response
Task Response: The essay addresses the given topic but focuses more on the positive aspects of travel while briefly mentioning the negative impact on the environment. It is important to ensure a balanced discussion of both the positive and negative aspects as per the given prompt.
Coherence and Cohesion
Coherence and Cohesion: The introduction and conclusion are clear, and the main points are supported with relevant examples. However, the logical structure could be improved to ensure smoother transitions between paragraphs and ideas.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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