IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people think museums and art galleries should show works of art and history from their own country rather than from different parts of the world. Do you agree or disagree ?

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It is often argued that
countries
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 should show their own
art
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 and historical pieces rather than showing something that does not belong to them. I disagree because having everything in the same
place
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 is not only convenient but
also
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 saves time and money.
To begin
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 with, people in different
countries
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 like to go to museums not only to kill their time but
also
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 to learn about their
history
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. Having everything in one
place
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 under one roof is like a dream come true for them as many folks are interested in learning about other parts of the world.
Moreover
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, it costs a lot when it comes to visiting other
countries
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, but they can save that time and money by visiting their local museums.
For example
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, the London Museum has everything from different corners of the world so every year millions of folks visit that museum to learn about their
history
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 and culture.
In addition
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, It
also
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 gives the message of unity and harmony as many nations are incapable of preserving their local
art
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. In that case, they can give some of their historical pieces to well-developed
countries
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 with places to store that
art
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.
Hence
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, it is beneficial for both
countries
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 and their people as they can get it back or visit the
place
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 whenever they want.
For example
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, war-torn
countries
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 like Egypt, Somalia, or Afghanistan lend their paintings to the USA as it is the only way for them to save their
history
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.
To conclude
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, Every country on
this
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 earth likes to save what they have left, and losing something as precious as
art
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 is like losing a war.
Consequently
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, having precious items in one
place
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 not only can be helpful for people but can
also
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 help to preserve the
history
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 of that country.

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task response
Improve the clarity of your ideas by ensuring each paragraph has a clear main point and supporting evidence.
coherence and cohesion
Enhance cohesion by using more transitional phrases to connect ideas smoothly between sentences and paragraphs.
task response
The essay provides a complete and balanced response to the task, addressing both sides of the argument effectively.
coherence and cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are clearly presented, framing the essay well.
task response
The essay includes relevant and specific examples, enhancing the argument and illustrating the points.
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