In the modern world, mobile and smartphone use has become universal in most parts of the world. Although there are clearly many advantages of this technology, there are many who believe it also brings many disadvantages. Discuss both points of view and give your opinion.

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It is true that in modern society, technical
devices
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such
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as smartphones have been prevalent all around the world. Many
people
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believe that there are numerous advantages of
this
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,
whereas
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I am of the opinion that
this
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technology brings more upsides. On the one hand, the idea of negative impacts regarding the use of mobile and other
devices
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is reasonable for several reasons. The first reason for
this
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is health issues when overusing it.
This
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is because when using smart
devices
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for too long,
people
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will experience bad health conditions
such
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as shortness of sight, headaches and lack of sleep.
Secondly
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,
people
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without self-reliance can be addicted to phones and not pay attention to work or study.
As a result
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, these
people
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will end up facing consequences that are undesirable
such
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as lower trust from other
people
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and can not achieve the goal.
Nevertheless
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, I believe that the technology assistance
that is
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provided by these
devices
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is more crucial. The main one is
people
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can take advantage of lots of digital platforms that are installed.
For example
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, designers in today’s world use Adobe
photoshop
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Photoshop
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to design and draw for their projects, a lot easier than using paper and can make more money
due to
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the amazing outcome.
Furthermore
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, smart
devices
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come up with convenience on a daily basis to help humans access anything in the most effective way.
For instance
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,
instead
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of using telephone booths like in the past, humans can communicate with their friends through a small box or send messages immediately, saving time and money. In conclusion,
while
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there are many drawbacks regarding digital facilities, namely health risks and
low quality
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low-quality
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work, I still believe that it is more beneficial to use technology
devices
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because it can help
people
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in their career path
as well as
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daily life. It can be predicted that humans can improve
this
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to build
devices
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with can support us in the most significant way.
Submitted by nguyetcat.dao on

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Coherence & Cohesion
Ensure all paragraphs are well-structured and logically connect to each other, with a clear topic sentence introducing the main idea of each paragraph.
Coherence & Cohesion
Incorporate more varied linking phrases to smooth transitions between sentences and ideas, enhancing the overall readability of your essay.
Task Achievement
Fully address all parts of the task. Give equal consideration to both views before stating your own opinion. Ensure that your opinion is clear throughout, not just at the end.
Task Achievement
To elevate your essay, try to include more detailed and specific examples to support your points. This adds credibility and depth to your arguments.
Coherence & Cohesion
Ensure your conclusion clearly summarizes your main points and restates your opinion. This reinforces your argument and leaves a strong final impression.
Task Achievement
Though the essay presents a balanced discussion, amplifying the examination of the disadvantages before presenting your stance would improve the balance and comprehension of your discussion.
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