IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Many people work long hours, leaving very little time for leisure activities. Does this situation have more advantages or more disadvantages?

#people #work #hours #time #leisure #activities #situation
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Many people toil at jobs for extensive
hours
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, thereby having hardly any time for leisure pursuits. Just like everything else, working long
hours
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also
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 has its pros and cons.
However
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, I opine that the disadvantages of working long
hours
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 outstrip its advantages. There are myriad positive aspects of working long
hours
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. One key benefit is increasing
earning
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earnings
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 which gives people’s
budget
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budgets
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 a boost, helping them clear their debts and other expenses. They can
also
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 set aside some money for a pension plan.
Apart from
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this
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, it can help to move up the promotion ladder. In
this
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 cut-throat corporate world, putting in extra
hours
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 is an excellent approach to impress upper-tier management. Take my brother as an example, he won his well-deserved promotion to chief executive
due to
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 working longer
hours
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.
On the contrary
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, the drawbacks of working longer
hours
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 cannot be overlooked. Fast and foremost, people with sedentary working
hours
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 can severely ruin both physical and mental
health
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. In simple words, it increases the risk of heart disease and is as detrimental to
health
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 as smoking.
Likewise
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,
many
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much
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 research work has discovered that intense stress
of
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from
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 work can cause depression, insomnia, and other mental
health
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 concerns.
Secondly
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, it can lead to job dissatisfaction as excessive overtime can drain energy and creativity, which in turn reduces productivity and one may stagnate in career.
Last
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 but not least, working longer
hours
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 significantly reduces personal time; which translates into less sleep, less time for family members and socializing. A recent study shows that excessive overtime can cause serious
family-conflict
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family conflict
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 and the divorce rate augments
accordingly
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. In fine,
although
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 there are significant benefits to working long
hours
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,
it is clear that
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 the downsides outweigh the good points. On balance, we should maintain a healthy work-life balance because it is the key to
health
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, relationships, productivity and ultimately work performance.
Submitted by ay on

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task response
The essay effectively addresses the prompt and provides a clear and comprehensive response to the question.
coherence cohesion
The essay is well-organized with a logical structure and coherent development of ideas. The introduction and conclusion are present and effectively frame the essay.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • work-life balance
  • mental well-being
  • burnout
  • stress relief
  • productivity
  • economic growth
  • career progression
  • skill enhancement
  • quality time
  • financial security
  • leisure activities
  • physical health
  • personal relationships
  • stress-related illnesses
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