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Band 6

Despite huge improvements in healthcare, the overall standard of physical health in many developed countries is now falling. What could be the reason for this trend, and what can be dome to reverse it?

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Although
 medical skills have improved, a significant number of
people
 suffer from health problems in rich
countries
.
This
 essay will outline the potential reasons why their health has declined and suggest potential solutions.
First
 of all, due to the convenient technology in contemporary society in developed
countries
, the majority of
people
 have sedentary
lifestyles
. Not only can convenient devices bring about working at their desks all day, but transportation easily approached may
also
 contribute to a lack of
exercise
.
Secondly
, as
people
 earn more incomes in rich
countries
, they afford various
food
 along with sugary desserts.
For example
, recent medical research in Korea has revealed that the 20% of the main reasons for
obesity
 in developed
countries
 are sedentary
lifestyles
 and the consumption of unhealthy
food
. As the example clearly illustrates, consumption of high sugary
food
 along with a lack of
exercise
 brings about
obesity
, thereby leading to other major physical health issues
such
 as heart diseases and type 2 diabetes. It is not all doom and gloom as there are solutions to address them. As
people
 have more money in developed
countries
, not only they can afford exercises
such
 as yoga classes and a gym, but they
also
 can buy healthy ingredients.
For example
, a survey conducted by Seoul Hospital has revealed that as the majority of Koreans participate in
exercise
 classes and eat a healthy Korean traditional diet, the
obesity
 rate is less than half as much as
people
 in western developed
countries
.
Therefore
,
exercise
 and eating a healthy diet are the key factor in maintaining healthy
lifestyles
 in developed
countries
. In conclusion,
although
people
 have sedentary
lifestyles
 with the consumption of high sugary
food
 which causes
obesity
, they can handle
this
 issue with
exercise
 and a healthy diet.
Submitted by hiasince38 on

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Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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