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Writing Samples
Band 6

Despite huge improvements in healthcare, the overall standard of physical health in many developed countries is now falling. What could be the reason for this trend, and what can be dome to reverse it?

#improvements #healthcare #health #countries #reason #trend #dome
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Although
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 medical skills have improved, a significant number of
people
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 suffer from health problems in rich
countries
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.
This
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 essay will outline the potential reasons why their health has declined and suggest potential solutions.
First
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 of all, due to the convenient technology in contemporary society in developed
countries
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, the majority of
people
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 have sedentary
lifestyles
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. Not only can convenient devices bring about working at their desks all day, but transportation easily approached may
also
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 contribute to a lack of
exercise
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.
Secondly
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, as
people
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 earn more incomes in rich
countries
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, they afford various
food
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 along with sugary desserts.
For example
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, recent medical research in Korea has revealed that the 20% of the main reasons for
obesity
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 in developed
countries
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 are sedentary
lifestyles
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 and the consumption of unhealthy
food
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. As the example clearly illustrates, consumption of high sugary
food
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 along with a lack of
exercise
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 brings about
obesity
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, thereby leading to other major physical health issues
such
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 as heart diseases and type 2 diabetes. It is not all doom and gloom as there are solutions to address them. As
people
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 have more money in developed
countries
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, not only they can afford exercises
such
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 as yoga classes and a gym, but they
also
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 can buy healthy ingredients.
For example
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, a survey conducted by Seoul Hospital has revealed that as the majority of Koreans participate in
exercise
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 classes and eat a healthy Korean traditional diet, the
obesity
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 rate is less than half as much as
people
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 in western developed
countries
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.
Therefore
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,
exercise
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 and eating a healthy diet are the key factor in maintaining healthy
lifestyles
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 in developed
countries
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. In conclusion,
although
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people
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 have sedentary
lifestyles
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 with the consumption of high sugary
food
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 which causes
obesity
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, they can handle
this
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 issue with
exercise
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 and a healthy diet.
Submitted by hiasince38 on

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Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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