IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people believe that the rage of technology available to individuals today is increasing the gap between rich people and poor people, while others say that technology has the opposite effect. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #rage #technology #individuals #gap #effect
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Technology
 is deeply relative to the living of human beings in contemporary society. Regarding
this
, opinions are divided over whether or not
technology
 increases the
gap
 between the rich and the poor. There are certain reasons why they support either side. ​ On the one hand, some
people
 argue that only wealthy
people
 can enjoy
technology
 as electronic
devices
 which facilitate using the Internet are extremely expensive. As the poor suffer from poverty, they have to buy food and medicine rather than electronic
devices
.
For example
, since a significant number of schools have decided to use electronic books for a class
instead
 of physical textbooks, many poor students couldn’t see books due to the absence of
devices
such
 as a laptop, an iPad, and a smartphone.
Therefore
, because not everyone can gain the
devices
 for using
technology
, the
gap
 between the poor and the rich will increase.
On the other hand
, others assert that
technology
 is a key factor in reducing the
gap
 between rich
people
 and poor
people
 as information is justifiably provided to everyone. Not only can information be provided for free to all
people
 regardless the financial condition
,
Add the word(s)
but,
show examples
it may
also
 bring about a chance to obtain money.
For instance
, a survey conducted by the Korea Financial Foundation has revealed that almost 30% of
people
 who earned an excessive amount of money from a stock market studied with the Internet. As the example clearly illustrates,
technology
 is an efficient means to reduce the
gap
 between the rich and the poor. ​ In conclusion, while I accept that electronic
devices
 are expensive, I point out that
people
 can borrow one at a library for free. There is no doubt that information with cutting-edge
technology
 is the most significant factor to decrease the financial
gap
.
Submitted by hiasince38 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: