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Band 4.5

In genergal, people do not have such a close relationship with their neighbours as they did in the past. Why is this so, and what can be done to improve contact between neighbours?

#people #close #relationship #neighbours #contact
Nowadays,
people
 are not as close to their
neighbours
 as they used to be.
This
 essay will explain why
neighbours
 do not have close relationships and it will suggest how
this relationships
Change the determiner
this relationship
these relationships
show examples
 can be improved. The first reason
people
 do not get
along with
 their
neighbours
 is
the
Change the word
their
show examples
 busy
life style
Correct your spelling
lifestyle
show examples
 since they work a lot from morning to evening. Adults and students are usually busy with their work and study, so they do not have enough energy and chances to make friends with their
neighbours
 when they finish their things.
For instance
, many designers always work until midnight and when they come back home their
neighbours
 are already
sleep
Correct your spelling
asleep
show examples
.
Also
, citizen
move
Change the verb form
moves
show examples
 a lot as their job opportunities are more than that
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
in the past.
As a result
,
people
 need to move to different places to save commute time, and
then
 they can not develop
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
long
friendship
Fix the agreement mistake
friendships
show examples
 with others. The first suggestion for
people
 to get a good relationship with their
neighbours
 is that the government should create some community facilities. If
people
 live in an apartment with many public facilities
such
 as parks, they will often meet each other when they
do
Verb problem
apply
show examples
exercise there.
For example
, many elderly usually keep a good relationship with their
neighbours
 because they often do square
dance
Fix the agreement mistake
dances
show examples
 together in the park.
Moreover
,
people
 should make time to meet
neighbours
, share food, and join online
neighborhood
Change the spelling
neighbourhood
show examples
group
Fix the agreement mistake
groups
show examples
. In
this
 way, they will get familiar with each other and get chances to help their
neighbours
. In conclusion, the busy
life style
Correct your spelling
lifestyle
show examples
 and moving a lot make
people
 lose chances to develop friendships with their
neighbours
. In
this
 situation,
people
 should keep in touch with their
neighbors
Change the spelling
neighbours
show examples
 through social media and the government could construct some entertainment facilities around their
home
Fix the agreement mistake
homes
show examples
 for the public to meet each other.
Submitted by whuan0719 on

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task response
Ensure that the main points are well supported with specific examples and details.
coherence cohesion
There is a clear use of introduction and conclusion, make sure to develop the main body to improve coherence and cohesion.
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