IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Many manufactured food and drink products contain high levels of sugar, which causes many health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree?

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There is growing
concerned
Replace the word
concern
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 about health problems caused by
food
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 in present-day society. I disagree with the given statement because I believe that raising the
price
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 of sugary products does not affect consumer behaviour to buy them. I will
further
Linking Words
 elaborate on my reasons and follow with a reasoned conclusion. Nowadays many
people
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 love to buy a high level of sugar products
for instance
Linking Words
 chocolate, doughnuts, dessert box and others. Many
people
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 buy them to entertain themselves or boost their mood while having problems. So, even though there is a
price
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 increase on high levels of sugar products,
people
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 still buy them because they are willing to eat them.
Furthermore
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, increasing the charge is not a wise choice because underprivileged
people
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 still need a high lever sugar diet.
Instead
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 of raising the
price
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, it is better to give knowledge to the social society to grow their mindset and bring up healthy awareness.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, it can be started with making a campaign on social media. The campaign can contain the disadvantage of sugary
food
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 for their body and the benefits of healthy
food
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.
Moreover
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, we can
also
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 provide the steps to make a portion of a simple and healthier diet, so
people
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 who do not have plenty of time can still do it.
Furthermore
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, we can encourage
people
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 to make good habits
such
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 as exercise; it is unnecessary to do strenuous exercises like basketball or volleyball. In conclusion, raising the charge of sugary
food
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 is not the best solution.
Instead
Linking Words
 of raising the
price
Use synonyms
, it is better to encourage
people
Use synonyms
 to do healthier behaviours.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • health problems
  • manufactured food and drink products
  • sugary products
  • excessive sugar consumption
  • discourage
  • promote
  • healthier choices
  • reduce
  • increased taxes
  • fund
  • health education
  • prevention programs
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