IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities. Others, however, say that this would have little effect on public health and that other measures are required. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#people #health #sports #facilities #effect #measures
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The declining level of
health
Use synonyms
 in the general population is a problem faced by many countries. Whether providing
sports
Use synonyms
facilities
Use synonyms
 can solve
this
Linking Words
 problem is a controversial issue. Those who advocate more
sports
Use synonyms
facilities
Use synonyms
 are the best way to improve public
health
Use synonyms
 believe that
sports
Use synonyms
 could help the public to release the time spent on sedentary
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
 and screening.
For example
Linking Words
, many white collars need to sit in their workplace to tackle their work issues on computers for a long time, which may
increase
Use synonyms
 the risk of having cardiovascular diseases. The increased number of
sports
Use synonyms
facilities
Use synonyms
 surroundings could give them a good chance to
increase
Use synonyms
 their physical activity level.
Besides
Linking Words
, more
sports
Use synonyms
facilities
Use synonyms
 could
also
Linking Words
increase
Use synonyms
 the public motivation on physical activity and bring a positive attitude on
sports
Use synonyms
, which is good for the
next
Linking Words
 generation,
However
Linking Words
, some people argue that other methods could benefit public
health
Use synonyms
 conditions, the large-scale
sports
Use synonyms
centers
Change the spelling
centres
show examples
 might not be the best approach. Interest in
sports
Use synonyms
 is not universal, which means a large number of exercise equipment has little effect on those people who did not like
sports
Use synonyms
 activities. There are many other actions we can do to improve public
health
Use synonyms
,
such
Linking Words
 as increasing the tax on cigarettes to reduce the harm of smoking, finding the optimal diet style to
increase
Use synonyms
 the
health
Use synonyms
 status of the public. In conclusion, I agree that increasing the level of
sports
Use synonyms
 activities could be a benefit to improve public
health
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, we should
also
Linking Words
 realize that there is more we can do to create a healthier society.
Submitted by wyt1234166 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • public health
  • sports facilities
  • physical activity
  • exercise
  • chronic diseases
  • heart disease
  • obesity
  • inclusivity
  • participation
  • safe environment
  • social interaction
  • community engagement
  • comprehensive approach
  • health education programs
  • environmental factors
  • healthcare infrastructure
  • quality healthcare services
  • public health initiatives
What to do next:
Look at other essays: