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Writing Samples
Band 3.5

At a present time , the population of some countries includes a relatively large amount of young adults ,compare with the number of older people .do The advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages?

#time #population #countries #amount #adults #people #situation
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Nowadays, the issue of
growing
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the growing
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 youth
population
 in
compare
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comparison
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 with older
people
 has grown in many countries .While there are some drawbacks associated with growth in
young
Correct article usage
the young
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population
 ,
i
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I
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Correct your spelling
believe
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belive
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believe
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 the main benefits are more substantial . On the one hand , a potential disadvantage of a large
population
 of young
people
 may be
the
Correct article usage
apply
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unemployment . many countries that have a large amount of young
population
 suffer from unemployment in
society
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the society
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. governments find it difficult to provide all their young forces with descend jobs.
moreover
 , unemployment among
the
Correct article usage
apply
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young
people
 can cause several major problems
such
 as crime .the young
people
 who are unable to find a good job are more likely to turn to crime .
consequently
 , the rate of crime can
rose
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rise
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 significantly in a long run .
On the other hand
 , a primary
of
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apply
show examples
advantage of
larger
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a larger
the larger
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 amount of young
population
 is that the country can be developed by young
people
 easier and quicker .from an industrial perspective , benefit from young workforces play a vital role in
improvement
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the improvement
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 of industry because they are able to
decisive
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decide
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 more effective method to resolve problems and they can undertake greater responsibilities . On balance , it is true that
have
Wrong verb form
having
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 a large young
population
 would seem
disadvantegous
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disadvantageous
ender
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under
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 certain
circusmstances
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circumstances
.
however
 , in my view , it is positive effects in
term
Fix the agreement mistake
terms
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 of
developing
Replace the word
development
show examples
 override the disadvantages.
Submitted by banan_reza on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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