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Writing Samples
Band 6

In some places old age is valued,while in other cultures youth is considered more important.Dicuss both view and give your opinion

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In modern nations, teenagers have a tendency to be considered extremely vital to
Correct article usage
the econmy
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econmy
Correct your spelling
economy
, but elderly
people
Use synonyms
seems
Correct subject-verb agreement
seem
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 like to play an indispensable role, it is a controversial point.
This
Linking Words
 writer is of the former view and will explain why during the essay. First and foremost, there is little doubt that the majority of all workforces globally are comprised of young adults and middle-aged citizens. The average working age in nearly all industries is around 30. Young
people
Use synonyms
 have the energy, passion, and motivation to work hard and achieve not only for the good of society but
also
Linking Words
 to establish a higher standard of living for themselves and their families. It is
therefore
Linking Words
 logical that governments should ensure younger generations have ample access to education and the resources needed to become contributing members of society. They will contribute the most in all likelihood.
Although
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 youth form the
country'economic
Correct your spelling
economic
 base,
nevertheless
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 elderly
people
Use synonyms
 should be prioritized.
However
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, human progress is about more than simply utilitarian benefits. In the past, it might have been necessary for human civilization to cruelly neglect older populations when they were fighting wars and resources were scarce.
That is
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 no longer the situation. Most countries, even developing ones, can now afford to provide healthcare for all citizens and some degree of retirement support. By undertaking these kindnesses, humans distinguish themselves clearly from their basest and most animalistic instincts.
This
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 can be understood as the surest sign that humanity is an evolved species culturally, socially, and emotionally and trumps any materialistic concerns related to growing already mature economies. In conclusion, though there are utilitarian reasons to support youth movements, it is more important and principled to value older
people
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 is already done in some cultures but should be more widespread.

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task achievement
Ensure a clear and consistent argument throughout the essay, avoiding contradictory statements.
task achievement
Develop examples further to effectively support main ideas.
coherence cohesion
Adopt a more structured approach to essay writing, with clear paragraphing and logical progression of ideas.
coherence cohesion
Use a variety of linking words and phrases to connect ideas more effectively throughout the essay.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • wisdom
  • experience
  • elders
  • authority
  • historical continuity
  • innovation
  • energy
  • adaptability
  • progress
  • modernization
  • technological advancement
  • intergenerational learning
  • cooperation
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