In many countries students who leave high school have no understanding of how to manage their money. Why is this case? What can be done to improve students’ understanding of how to manage personal finance?

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It is easy to notice that many high school
students
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are
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apply
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lack of ability to manage how to spend their
money
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properly.
This
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essay will analyze the main reasons and offer some possible solutions. One major reason leading to the poor awareness of personal finance lies in the fact that overindulgence and overprotection from
parents
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lead to the unawareness of the paramount importance of
money
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for
student
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students
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.
For example
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, some
parents
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pay over the amount of pocket
money
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to children
,
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apply
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or purchase expensive electronics for adults.
Therefore
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,
students
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tend to have no proper guidance over lavishing
money
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upon unnecessary purchases without forethought. Another reason worth mentioning is that the education system pays more attention to
students
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’ academic performance.
Consequently
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,
students
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are not always able to take sensible precautions for managing the budget. Especially considering the fact that
students
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today tend to prioritize short-term needs and wants over long-term goals,
parents
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and schools should do something to make a difference. I think the key factor to alleviating the situation is for
parents
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and schools to pay more attention to the perception of
students
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money
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value.
For example
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,
parents
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could help
students
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know what is important before purchasing,
exploring
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explore
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the
rule
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rules
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by finishing household work and
rewarding
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reward
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the pocket
money
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with the purpose of teaching them how to make
money
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. Schools should place more emphasis on essential soft skills, including personal financial management. Teachers can take the practice case in their syllabus and make
students
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involved in real-life stories. In
this
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way,
students
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are more likely to be adequately educated and able to manage their
money
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in the future.
To conclude
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, the
student's
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students'
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awareness of
lacking
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the lack of
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dealing with personal finance should be addressed from the
effort
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efforts
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of
parents
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and
school
Correct article usage
the school
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as well.
Submitted by su838227301 on

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task response
The essay lacks a clear position and analysis of the reasons and solutions. The points made are somewhat vague and need further development.
coherence cohesion
The logical structure of the essay is somewhat clear, but some points lack coherence and flow. Try to organize the essay in a more systematic and coherent manner to better support the main points.

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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