IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

5. Prevention of health problems and illness is more important than treatment and medicine. Government funding should reflect this. To what extent do you agree?

#prevention #health #illness #treatment #medicine #government
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Nowadays all of us should give more attention to our health, we try to put
this
Linking Words
 problem in our priority because we have nothing without the good condition of our body.
Thus
Linking Words
, a lot of illnesses now become harder to treat and to my way of thinking to prevent them is the best choice.
This
Linking Words
 question is not trivial, yet
this
Linking Words
 essay will discuss both of the views in
further
Linking Words
 paragraphs. On one hand, everyone who is still young they are thinking that
this
Linking Words
 will not happen to me, if I smoke I will not get a cancer lung, but with time ,passing we understand more than everything can be.
Therefore
Linking Words
 our health condition must be protected and most illnesses can be prevented with the right care and supplement.
However
Linking Words
, even we have access to different types of treatment of diseases we can't realise them because is not always work well for each of us.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, we don't need to supra estimated to use too many vitamins and supplements, because like doctors said ''too much'' can do damage. Everything we decided to drink or to have for keeping healthy, we must discuss it with a specialist.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, along with an equilibrate food and gym, we need to be aware of how important is to sleep enough. In conclusion, no one treatment can be better than preventing in a time illness, after a busy day at work we need to achieve the right care for our health, doesn't matter which age we are and how strong we are.
Submitted by rodica.nebunelea on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: