IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Due to the increase in population in city area, many people are living in homes with small or no outdoors. Do you think this is a negative or positive development ?

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These days, the rate of individuals who choose urban areas for a living has climbed;
as a result
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, they have to opt for accommodations that are tiny or not outside. In my personal view,
this
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 trend is a negative development owing to the fact that it impacts the population's health and
quality
Use synonyms
 of lifestyle. On the one hand, the fact
that is
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 really important is that when urbanizations live in small houses, they do not have a lot of activity. In fact, small residents do not have a majority of household chores and gardens where have a lot of work , so in
this
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 situation the community becomes obese and the risk of various physical issues will increase.
In addition
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, the small space for a living has an adverse effect on people's mental health inasmuch as they do not have sufficient area to do the hands-on activities that they like,
such
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 as pottery.
On the other hand
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, if cities have high population density,
then
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 the
quality
Use synonyms
 of some factors, which affect the population's lives, will reduce.
For instance
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, overpopulation leads to an increase in the amount of toxic gas,
thereafter
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, they decline the
quality
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 of air .
Moreover
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, if the application for accommodations rises, the governments should exchange greenfields, where near urban regions, with new residential areas.
Therefore
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, these items impact the lifestyle
quality
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.
To sum up
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, in my opinion, overpopulation in cities has an unfavourable influence on the community's health because the small houses are the worst factor that decreases people's physical and mental activities and their
quality
Use synonyms
 of life is affected by air pollution and fewer woodlands.

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Task Achievement
Your introduction clearly states your viewpoint, but it would be stronger if you elaborated more on why the trend is negative, potentially including some specific examples from the outset.
Coherence and Cohesion
While your ideas are logically presented, there are some areas where coherence could be improved. For instance, using clearer linking phrases between points can help the flow of the essay. Consider phrases like 'Furthermore', 'In addition', or 'On the contrary'.
Task Achievement
You need to develop your arguments with more specific examples. While you mention the impacts on health, it would benefit from more detailed and varied examples to support your claims. Also, consider including more facts related to urban living conditions.
Task Achievement
You have a clear opinion stated in your introduction, which is a strong aspect of task achievement.
Task Achievement
Your identification of both physical and mental health impacts related to living conditions is insightful and adds depth to your argument.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • cramped
  • urbanization
  • pollution
  • green spaces
  • communal lifestyle
  • dimension
  • quality of life
  • economic growth
  • infrastructure
  • density
  • sustainability
  • recreational areas
  • social development
  • accessibility
  • affordability
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