increasing number of people are choosing cosmetology surgery to improve their appearance. What are the reasons? Do you think is it a positive or negative development?

#people #cosmetology #surgery #appearance #development

Most

people

are into physical appearances rather than inner

beauty

. It is argued that with an increase in population, there is a rising trend of surgical transformation of outer looks.

In addition

this

happens due to many fake advertisements targeting idol

beauty

instead

of accepting natural looks. Social media and

beauty

bloggers are setting high standards in creating outer

beauty

in order

attract

Fix the infinitive

to attract

show examples

people

to buy their products which will enhance their looks and more

people

will interact

them

Change preposition

with them

show examples

only because of good looks.

For example

, having pointed nose and bold lips, many cosmetology projects are trending like Botox for fuller lips for individuals who have thin lips.

Furthermore

Beauty

influencers are

also

convincing

people

to go for permanent eyebrows and false eyelashes just to build up their outer appearance. Natural

beauty

is God gifted, one shouldn’t alter or try to change them just for getting approval from today’s society. Self-acceptance is the key to

grow

Wrong verb form

growing

show examples

in life. I firmly believe that everyone should appreciate simplicity and

beauty

, that’s the most important thing rather than persuading someone to put

makeup

Change preposition

on makeup

show examples

to look good.

Additionally

, We should have self-confidence and be comfortable in our skin and not

listening

Wrong verb form

listen

show examples

to makeup bloggers as they are just promoting their businesses.

Moreover

, one should tell themselves daily that they are beautiful just the way they are, without needing those facial surgeries as they can cause allergies or bad

effect

Fix the agreement mistake

effects

show examples

to our skin. In conclusion, more and more

people

are adopting cosmetic surgery to improve their looks. The main reason for

this

escalation is advertisements given by makeup artists and

beauty

bloggers, influencing

people

to opt for these facial surgeries to look good.

Submitted by mailtoritika.chandwani on Wed Mar 09 2022

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Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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8Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

278 words

5.50

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

5.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

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increasing number of people are choosing cosmetology surgery to improve their appearance. What are the reasons? Do you think is it a positive or negative development?

Fully explain your ideas

Discuss your academic and non-academic achievements (for undergraduate and vocational student), and industrial experience (for vocational student only) including the process and skills involved in your previous or current degree program!

Some people believe that hobbies need to be difficult to be enjoyable. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some people believe that it is good to share as much information as possible in scientific research, business, and the academic world. Others believe that some information is too important or too valuable to be shared freely. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Some people think that the government should increase tax on unhealthy food to encourage people to start eating healthy. Do you agree or disagree?

In spite of the advances made in agriculture, many people around the world still go hungry. Why is this the case? What can be done about this problem? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.