IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

It is better for people to be unemployed than people to be employed but they do not enjoy. Do you agree or disagree?

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In today's employment landscape, if we ask
someone
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 how satisfied they are with their current
job
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, most will say they are not happy with it;
however
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,
this
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 does not mean
one
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 should leave the
job
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. Through
this
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 essay, I will explain why I completely disagree with
this
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 notion and will share the reasons behind it.
One
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 compelling reason to continue
one
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's current
job
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 is the current
job
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market
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's volatility. These days, the global economy changes drastically
due to
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 uncertainty in the
market
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, and
this
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 results in
job
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 scarcity;
thus
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, if
someone
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 wants to quit their
job
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 because they do not enjoy it,
then
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 they need to consider
this
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 factor seriously, as securing a new
job
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 in the current
market
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 is getting tougher day by day.
Additionally
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, life is filled with challenges, and to make it better,
people
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 need to
work
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.
For instance
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, if
someone
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 has liabilities in their life,
such
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 as a home loan, car loan, children's education, etc.,
then
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 they
could not
Wrong verb form
cannot
show examples
 overcome these liabilities if they become unemployed.
Moreover
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,
people
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fulfill
Change the spelling
fulfil
show examples
 their desires when they get paid for their jobs. Getting unemployed is basically killing
one
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's desires. The salary
people
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 receive after putting their effort and dedication at
work
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 is more fruitful than being unemployed and doing nothing.
Furthermore
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,
people
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 need to think logically and should look for opportunities to make their
work
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 more exciting,
instead
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 of complaining about it.
For example
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, in an organization, there are many departments; if
someone
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 does not like working in a particular department, they can put in a request to seniors to move them to a different department; maybe
this
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 initiative will let them enjoy their
work
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. In conclusion, considering the current
job
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market
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 uncertainty,
people
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 need to be wise and should look for better opportunities with a company that lets them enjoy their
work
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instead
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 of quitting it.

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Relevant Examples
Consider providing more specific examples or case studies to make your argument stronger. For instance, citing a particular economic trend or industry challenge could give more depth to your points.
Logical Structure
Ensure all paragraphs have a clear thematic connection with smooth transitions. This enhances the overall flow and allows the reader to follow the argument more easily.
Introduction and Conclusion
Your introduction and conclusion are present and effectively delineate your position on the topic.
Task Achievement
You have addressed the essay task comprehensively, showcasing clear connections between the topic and your arguments.
Coherence and Cohesion
There is a logical structure throughout, with well-organized paragraphs and coherent arguments.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • transnational problems
  • climate change
  • ozone layer depletion
  • pollution
  • collaborative efforts
  • pooling of resources
  • expertise
  • technology
  • innovative solutions
  • international standards
  • race to the bottom
  • environmental standards
  • capacity
  • impacts
  • national sovereignty
  • independently
  • economic
  • social contexts
  • international consensus
  • legal
  • political systems
  • enforcement
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