IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

More and more parents are allowing their children to play on computers and tablets as they think that children should learn technology skills. Do the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?

#parents #children #computers #tablets #technology #skills #development
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In the view of the modern world,the usage of the computer and tables has become an essential requirement as tools for learning technology and skill.The is an increase in the number of parents allowing the use of the computer and tablets.It has benefits and adverse effects as well.In my view merits outweigh demerits. While discussing the advantages of the use of computers and tablets.
Firstly
Linking Words
, One of the advantages is that through its benefit offspring can play various televised games, which help them to gain knowledge about themselves.Whereas, it can improve their visuals as well,which they utilize later in their life.
secondly
Linking Words
, it can improve their intelligence, playing puzzles televised games .Another benefit is that It helps them to improve their problem-solving abilities,
such
Linking Words
 as by playing certain story-based televised games.There are a lot of them related to sports,that can increase the offspring's awareness of the game in earlier life.
Lastly
Linking Words
 cricket , opposite to our time, when these were not there we had little knowledge about the game at that age. Whereas there are hazardous effects,
such
Linking Words
 as the development of a sedentary lifestyle,
therefore
Linking Words
 it damages the health of the offspring.They become obese
thus
Linking Words
, later ,on can develop diseases like diabetes,hypertension and heart problems.Importantly, another side effect of overuse causes detrimental effects on the social development of offspring which can lead to various behaviour problems in offspring,
such
Linking Words
 as anxiety and depression. In conclusion,parents should allow the heir to play with tablets and computers,but keep an eye on the clock so that do not overuse them.They should keep balance by teaching them to play outdoor well,which will prevent them from developing the disease in future and will help them to develop a strong body.
Submitted by drmoiz_lakho on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: