IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Many museums charge for admissions while others are free. Do you think the advantages of charging people for admission to museum overweight the disadvantages?

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It is widely known that many
museums
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 around the world allow visitors to enter for free
while
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 others charge for an entrance fee. I personally believe that charging admission fees in the
museum
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 will bring more good than harm.
This
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 essay will present my arguments to support the statement.
To begin
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 with, the money from the admission fee can be additional funding for
museums
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 to maintain both their collections and facilities. Maintaining them is of paramount importance because the majority of displays need to be continuously preserved.
For instance
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, the National
Museum
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 in Indonesia has recently announced that there are 1,000 classic books that are in poor condition
due to
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 a lack of maintenance.
Secondly
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, the capital resources can be allocated to enhance
museums
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'
security
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.
For example
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, installing
security
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 technology and adding more
security
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 personnel to guard rare items.
Nonetheless
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, despite its benefits, there are
also
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 some drawbacks.
Museums
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 with expensive entrance fees will likely be only accessible to people with higher incomes. To cite an example, the Science
Museum
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 in Singapore costs SGD 100 to enter,
hence
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 not everyone can afford it.
Consequently
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, there might be a wider knowledge gap within
the
Correct article usage
apply
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society because only people from certain groups can learn from those cultural institutions.
However
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, the responsibility to spread knowledge to society is not the main goal of a
museum
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 as it can be undertaken by other educational institutions. In conclusion, the regulation to impose entrance fees to
museums
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 undoubtedly brings more advantages to their sustainability. The money can be utilized to improve
museums
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' capability in maintenance and
security
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.

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coherence cohesion
Consider enhancing the coherence of your essay by using a wider range of cohesive devices to link ideas within and across sentences more effectively. While the logical structure is generally sound, more sophisticated linking words could provide a smoother flow of information.
task achievement
A fully developed response to the task must clearly address all parts of the task, ensuring that any specific examples provided are directly relevant and adding to the argument. While your essay demonstrates clear and comprehensive ideas, you should seek to offer a balanced view that consistently supports the nuances of the topic you are discussing.
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