IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

the number of visits to two new music sites on the web for 15 days.

#visits #two #music #sites #web
The given line graph illustrates the
number
 of visits to two new
music
sites
 on the web for 15
days
. Overall, it can be seen that the
number
 of visits to the two
music
sites
 experienced an upward trend over the period observed. According to the graph, while it is true that both
music
sites
 indicated substantial growth in visit rates, the path of growth proved to be quite unsteady.
In particular
, the pop
music
 showed a
number
 of visits around 120.
views
 from day1 to day3, while the rate of the
music
 choice dropped moderately,but a sharp increase to 60
views
 on
day
 3. From
this
 point, between
days
 4 and 11, the figure of the
music
 choice variation;between 20 and 40
views
.
Furthermore
, over the six
days
, the numbers of pop parades showed a significant fall,with a period of fluctuation.
On the other hand
, its figure rose noticeably, reaching almost 140
views
 on
day
 11. The remaining
days
 witnessed the viewing
number
 of two
music
sites
 raising,
although
 the rates of pop parade dropped, a sharp increase dramatically, reached its peak at over 160
views
 on
day
 15, whereas the figure of
music
 choice jumped to over 120
views
 in
day
 14 but its rates dropped to just under 80 in the
last
day
.
Submitted by Kris1412_pany on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Comparison
  • Number of visits
  • Trends
  • Period
  • Increases
  • Decreases
  • Stability
  • Factors
  • Influenced
  • Marketing strategies
  • User interface
  • Variety of music
  • Peak times
  • Reasons
  • Promotional events
  • Long-term sustainability
  • Growth prospects
  • Graph
What to do next:
Look at other essays: