IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

It is important for children to learn the difference between right and wrong at an early age. Punishment is necessary to help them learn this distinction. To what extent do you agree / disagree with this opinion?

#children #difference #right #age #punishment #distinction
A commonly held view is that teaching
children
 at an early age to identify right and wrong requires a certain level of
punishment
 to help them learn properly. I completely agree with
this
 opinion as
children
 will
then
 understand the
consequences
 of misbehaving.
However
, the type of
punishment
 they should receive depends on the situation. Mostly,
children
 in their early ages did not fully grasp the aftermath of their actions having tantrums, throwing things or hitting friends. If we do not address
such
 violent
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
 properly, it can spiral out of control and even lead to serious
consequences
. Teaching
children
 about the
consequences
 of their actions is essential, starting from a young age. There are two
type
Change to a plural noun
types
show examples
 of punishments, positive and negative. Some positive
punishment
 can be confronted with several benefits.
Firstly
, in school, teacher
entitled
Add a missing verb
are entitled
show examples
 to give positive
punishment
 to their students
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 did bad things
such
 as
late
Add a missing verb
being late
show examples
 for school or bullying, by giving mild
punishment
such
 as
do
Wrong verb form
doing
show examples
 some reflections to reflect what
right
Add a missing verb
is right
show examples
 or wrong.
On the other hand
, parents at home give a
time out
Add a hyphen
time-out
show examples
 system whenever the
children
 do something wrong or bad and ask nicely the reasons why they did it. In conclusion,
children
 should understand the
consequences
 of misbehaving
since
Change preposition
from
show examples
the
Correct article usage
an
show examples
 early age by giving
punishment
 based on the situation.
With the
Change preposition
The
show examples
 positive
punishment
 can
benefits
Change the verb form
benefit
show examples
children
 to reflect
what
Change preposition
on what
show examples
 they do.
Submitted by jessicayoris on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and supports the main argument of the essay.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples and evidence to support your arguments.
lexical resource
Expand your use of vocabulary and try to use more varied expressions.
grammatical range
Pay attention to the use of grammar and sentence structure.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: