Large companies use sports events to promote their products. Some people think this has a negative impact on sports. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Nowadays, you see promotions everywhere around the stadiums. Some people tend to believe that
this
has a negative effect on sports, but other people think that this
negative effect is not true. Hereafter, I will clarify to what extent I agree with these individuals.
Firstly
, sporting clubs use advertisement based
revenues to make their financial position Add a hyphen
advertisement-based
is
sufficient enough to continue their business operations. Unnecessary verb
apply
For example
, every football team has a sponsor on their tenue. These sponsors are usually responsible for the biggest proportion of the fixed revenue stream. Arising from this
, it is essential for professional sports organisations to allow corporates to promote their products.
Furthermore
, an advertisement can also
have a positive effect on events such
as the halftime show during the super bowl
. Correct your spelling
Super Bowl
While
the teams are in their dressing rooms the biggest advertisement campagne
in the world starts with the most expensive ads and the biggest artists in the world. Correct your spelling
campaign
This
is because to want to prevent the millions of viewers at home from turning off their televisions. After the game ends, people sometimes speak more about the show than about the match itself.
Nevertheless
, promotions can also
have some negative effects on a match because they can distract the public or players from keeping
attention to the game they play or watch. Verb problem
paying
However
, there are always institutions like clubs or the government that make sure that the advertisements are not distracting. They tend to achieve this
by using rules and laws.
In conclusion, I think that commercial promotions are necessary for the continuance of sports. Moreover
, the use of them can in some cases lead to an upgrade to the event because of the attractiveness of those events, but we have to make sure that they are not distracting.Submitted by larsvdknaap on
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coherence cohesion
While the essay is generally well-structured, the introduction could be made clearer by directly stating your position on the issue. Ensure that each paragraph's main idea is succinctly summarized in the opening sentence to guide the reader.
task achievement
The main points are supported, but they could benefit from additional specific examples or data for greater impact and credibility.
task achievement
Ensure the arguments are developed more deeply in each paragraph. The third paragraph, for instance, could provide more elaboration on the potential distractions caused by advertisements. This will enhance comprehensive coverage of the topic.
coherence cohesion
The essay provides a clear introduction and conclusion, offering a cohesive structure that is easy to follow.
task achievement
The language used is clear and mostly accurate, making the arguments comprehensible and engaging.
task achievement
Examples like the Super Bowl halftime show add significant relevance and support to your points.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.
‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.
Examples:
I really want to study but I’m too tired.
I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.
If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.