Large companies use sports events to promote their products. Some people think this has a negative impact on sports. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#companies #sports #events #products #people #impact

Nowadays, you see promotions everywhere around the stadiums. Some people tend to believe that

this

has a negative effect on sports, but other people think that

this

negative effect is not true. Hereafter, I will clarify to what extent I agree with these individuals.

Firstly

, sporting clubs use

advertisement based

Add a hyphen

advertisement-based

show examples

revenues to make their financial position

Unnecessary verb

apply

show examples

sufficient enough to continue their business operations.

For example

, every football team has a sponsor on their tenue. These sponsors are usually responsible for the biggest proportion of the fixed revenue stream. Arising from

this

, it is essential for professional sports organisations to allow corporates to promote their products.

Furthermore

, an advertisement can

also

have a positive effect on events

such

as the halftime show during the

super bowl

Correct your spelling

Super Bowl

show examples

While

the teams are in their dressing rooms the biggest advertisement

campagne

Correct your spelling

campaign

in the world starts with the most expensive ads and the biggest artists in the world.

This

is because to want to prevent the millions of viewers at home from turning off their televisions. After the game ends, people sometimes speak more about the show than about the match itself.

Nevertheless

, promotions can

also

have some negative effects on a match because they can distract the public or players from

keeping

Verb problem

paying

show examples

attention to the game they play or watch.

However

, there are always institutions like clubs or the government that make sure that the advertisements are not distracting. They tend to achieve

this

by using rules and laws. In conclusion, I think that commercial promotions are necessary for the continuance of sports.

Moreover

, the use of them can in some cases lead to an upgrade to the event because of the attractiveness of those events, but we have to make sure that they are not distracting.

Submitted by larsvdknaap on Mon Mar 21 2022

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coherence cohesion

While the essay is generally well-structured, the introduction could be made clearer by directly stating your position on the issue. Ensure that each paragraph's main idea is succinctly summarized in the opening sentence to guide the reader.

task achievement

The main points are supported, but they could benefit from additional specific examples or data for greater impact and credibility.

task achievement

Ensure the arguments are developed more deeply in each paragraph. The third paragraph, for instance, could provide more elaboration on the potential distractions caused by advertisements. This will enhance comprehensive coverage of the topic.

coherence cohesion

The essay provides a clear introduction and conclusion, offering a cohesive structure that is easy to follow.

task achievement

The language used is clear and mostly accurate, making the arguments comprehensible and engaging.

task achievement

Examples like the Super Bowl halftime show add significant relevance and support to your points.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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10Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Grammar mistakes
 

5 paragraphs

294 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Large companies use sports events to promote their products. Some people think this has a negative impact on sports. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

At the present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people. Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages?

Some people say that individuals who make a lot of money are most successful. Others think that those who contribute to society like scientists and teachers are most successful. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Computers are being used more and more in education. Some people say that this is a positive trend, while others argue that it is leading to negative consequences. Discuss both sides of this argument and then give your own opinion.