Most high-level positions in companies are filled by men, even though the workforce in many developed countries is more than 50% is female. Companies should be required to allocate a certain percentage of these positions to women. To what extent do you agree?

It is widely observed that most senior positions in different organisations are usually given to
men
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, regardless of 50% of the workforce is
women
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. Some people believe that more managerial posts should be offered to
women
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. I strongly support the given idea because it is important to avoid any possible discrimination.
Firstly
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,
women
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should be given a chance to be executives in order to reduce divisiveness and maintain the balance in working structures.
This
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implementation may create a more supportive environment for
women
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and force them to realise themselves more freely. It might
also
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help them to boost their confidence and diminish female bias in terms of work. Regarding
this
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idea, an equal distribution of high-level vacancies among both genders would diminish the risks of sexual harassment, underestimation and disrespect, resulting in societal equilibrium.
Secondly
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,
women
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naturally possess some qualities,
such
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as strong stress resistance, that
men
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do not have.
Moreover
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, female workers usually bring unique viewpoints and experiences that can enhance the problem-solving and decision-making processes.
According to
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studies,
women
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perform better than
men
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in 17 of 19 leadership competencies, particularly with tasks that involve critical thinking, being resilient and displaying integrity and honesty. It means that
women
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clearly have what it takes to be excellent leaders. As an example, Coco Chanel should be mentioned , who had revolutionised the whole fashion industry, which previously belonged only to
men
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. In conclusion, I advocate for an equal distribution of leading posts among both genders.
This
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will probably contribute to a balance in society and help
women
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to become free of social stigmas.

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coherence and cohesion
Add clearer topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph. This helps the reader understand your main point more easily.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure to connect your ideas more, perhaps through transitional phrases. This can improve the flow of your essay.
task achievement
Include more specific examples or data to strengthen your points—this will add more weight to your arguments.
task achievement
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps the reader see your main arguments.
task achievement
You have good points about women's qualities and their potential as leaders, which are well expressed.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example
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