IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

In recent years children have been given more freedom than in the past. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development? Give your opinion and examples.

#years #children #freedom #development
As the society in the present world is increasing with
well educated
Add a hyphen
well-educated
show examples
 civilians, children of those civilized people are enjoying more
freedom
 in their choice of
life
 which was exactly
opposite
Correct article usage
the opposite
show examples
 in the past. Depending on the degree of
freedomness
Correct your spelling
freedoms
, it has positive development towards a child's
future
 as well as damaging effects in their whole
life
. In
this
 essay, I will discuss both views and give my own opinion on why a child has to be restrained under a certain level about their choice. Individual
freedom
 gives one’s person to decide about their
life
. When they can decide about their
future
 career without being under the pressure of their parents, they tend to succeed more in their
life
.
Moreover
, personal democracy creates more happiness because they do what they are most fond of. In Singapore,
for instance
, after the economic reform, many parents, who were traditional and conservative, do not force their children about their career path but
instead
 guide and support them in their chosen
career
Fix the agreement mistake
careers
show examples
.
Such
 social changes have brought more successful
Singaporians
Correct your spelling
Singaporeans
 leaders today because they got a chance to choose. While many are arguing about
benefits
Correct article usage
the benefits
show examples
 of individual liberty, it is hampering their
future
 badly. Giving more
freedom
 can lead the youths towards drug addiction because the young minds are still undeveloped to separate between right and wrong
behaviors
Change the spelling
behaviours
show examples
. If parents do not care about their children’s
behaviors
Change the spelling
behaviours
show examples
, they may become involved in criminal activities, which ultimately would ruin their
life
 and
future
.
For example
, In America, many young adults are responsible for
Add an article
the gun
a gun
show examples
gun
Correct your spelling
gunfire
show examples
fire
Fix the agreement mistake
fires
show examples
 in public places like school and their police data suggests that it is all because of
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
 of parental control when they are adults. In conclusion,
nonetheless
, today’s generation is more liberal about their choice than the previous one but liberty has to come under certain limitations so that it does not spoil the community. Senior citizens have to make them understand how they struggled to obtain
freedom
 and suggest that they use it wisely in the development of society.
Submitted by arjunlama798 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: