Many adults nowadays prefer spending their free time playing computer games. Why do they do this? Is this a positive or negative development?

#adults #time #computer #games #development

We live in a technology era where electronic devices are everywhere. That's why we can easily play

games

through those technological devices. And I deeply support

this

. In modern societies, people have to deal with many problems, that inadvertently are facing a lot of pressure: from family pressure, from work,...

that is

the reason why the number of played-game adults is increasing rapidly. Take Japan as an example, it is considered the country with the most stressful life in Asia. The rate of Japanese playing

games

is the highest in Asia.

On the other hand

, it is mainly because of the development of too many game companies on the market nowadays,

such

as Dzogame,

Vinagame

Correct word choice

and Vinagame

show examples

,... These companies attract tens of thousands of jobs every year. Those who play

games

this

situation are not to worry. Playing

games

by adults can

also

bring some huge benefits.

First,

we can download

games

on our devices easily,

this

can help us release stress anytime and anywhere. Science has proven that people will not think about suicide if they can relieve stress immediately and the recent statistics show that in the age of

technology

Add a comma

technology,

show examples

the coefficient of suicide in Japan has decreased much compared to the previous time.

Moreover

this

can

also

help the economy grow. Currently, there are dozens of startups with a market capitalization of hundreds of millions of dollars. Recent surveys

also

illustrate the number of game apps sold on Google Play and App Store with earnings of hundreds of millions of dollars each year.

This

helps stimulate world economies and usher in new trends in the graphics and IT industries. In conclusion, In conclusion, given all the aforementioned reasons, I am utterly convinced that there are some big benefits to playing

games

in adults.

Submitted by jakedth162 on Tue Mar 22 2022

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task response

Focus on addressing all parts of the essay prompt in a clear and organized manner. Develop your ideas with more depth and relevance to the topic.

coherence cohesion

Improve the organization and connection between your ideas. Use transition words and phrases to create a more cohesive essay structure.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

Summary
Restatement of thesis
Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

In conclusion
To conclude
To summarize
Finally
In a nutshell
In general

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7Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

295 words

6.00

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 7.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 7.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Many adults nowadays prefer spending their free time playing computer games. Why do they do this? Is this a positive or negative development?

Include an introduction and conclusion

Studying with a group of students in a classroom is more beneficial than learning online at home. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Living in a country where you have to speak a foreign language can cause serious social problem, as well as practical problems. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

In today's time the internet is making it easy to stdy online from home. some perfer online courses to study they think it is better. Others prefer classroom education discuss both views and share your perion.

Some people think that the internet has brought people closer together while others think that people and communities are become more isolated. Discuss both sides and give you opinion.

Many people believe that social networking sites (such as Facebook) have had a huge negative impact on both individuals and society . To what extent do you agree?