IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The most common solution for criminal behaviour is prison but many believe education is a better method. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

A huge part of society claims that prisoners should be educated to change their criminal behaviour,
while
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 others believe that education cannot help these people. From my perspective,
although
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 education is not the final answer for all
criminals
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, it is a decent way to help some portion of
this
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 group because a
lot
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 of them were not raised in a safe family.
To begin
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 with, a
lot
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 of
criminals
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 were not
criminals
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 at first. It cannot be denied that environmental factors are crucial. As a matter of fact, being raised in a poorly educated society or family can cause these problems.
For example
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, a teenager who does not attend school has a
lot
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 of free time, often spending hours in the streets.
As a result
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, they try to find friends; meanwhile, they put themselves at risk of making friends with a drug dealer.
Moreover
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, a
lot
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 of individuals engage in criminal activities. They were trained by their parents, who were
criminals
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. So, they did not choose crime themselves. They were not raised in a safe family.
On the other hand
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, not all
criminals
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 are at the same level. Some of them are not forgivable.
For instance
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, a person who killed others in a cold-blooded manner cannot be educated to be a good person. He acted intentionally and enjoyed that action.
Consequently
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, investing in educating
this
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 kind of person is a waste of money and time. So prison can be a fine answer to
this
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 behaviour.
To conclude
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, education can be a good solution for a
lot
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 of crime
due to
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 the fact that a
lot
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 of them did not grow up in a secure environment.
However
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, some
criminals
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 do these activities as an enjoyable game , so they are not changeable.

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task response
Make your view clear in the first paragraph. Say if you agree or not and how much.
coherence
Give one main idea per paragraph and add a small example to back it up.
coherence
Use link words well, like also, but, however, for example, and so.
content
Try to add more exact examples that stay with the topic of education and crime.
language
Check grammar and spelling. Use short, simple sentences to avoid mistakes.
structure
End with a short restatement of your view in the conclusion.
structure
The essay has an intro and a conclusion.
content
It shows some back up for points with examples.
coherence
It uses words to show contrast, such as On the other hand.
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