IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

ISSUE 1: IN SOME COUNTRIES, GOVERNMENTS ARE ENCOURAGING INDUSTRIES AND BUSINESS TO MOVE TO REGIONAL AREAS OUTSIDE THE BIG CITIES DO THE ADVANTAGES OF THIS TREND OUTWEIGH THE DISADVANTAGE?

#countries #governments #industries #business #move #areas #cities #trend
Companies are being encouraged by the government to move from the cities to rural
areas
 which have some benefits as compared to drawbacks. In
this
 essay, I will explain why advantages outnumber their disadvantages. One
advantage
 of settling a company in a rural area is that they can create employment for the
locals
 and as a
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
consequence they would increase their incomes which can help them to propel ecologically sustainable projects forward in order to foster environmental conservation, food security and quality of life. Despite the
advantage
, a problem could be that companies need to reduce salaries in order to save costs and
locals
 would be affected by
this
 action. Whether or not
this
last
 could happen, the
advantage
 outweighs the disadvantage because there is a possibility for rural people to see more opportunities in their
areas
. Another obvious
advantage
 is that companies would be benefited from natural
resources
 from that place and its costs would reduce,
,
Change the punctuation
apply
show examples
however
Add the comma(s)
,however
show examples
 the disadvantage is that the misuse of natural
resources
 may affect the
locals
, for ,example many large farming scales are working in rural
areas
such
 as the palm oil is cropped in the jungle which has led to the depletion of forest and ecosystems.
Although
 the environment and the
locals
 could be affected, the
advantage
 delivers because there is a possibility of economic growth in the place, but authorities must deploy policies in order to foster sustainable use of natural
resources
. To conclude, there are both drawbacks and benefits of a company moving from cities to rural
areas
 like creating more opportunities and employment for
locals
, using natural
resources
 overcome the negative effects.
Submitted by cinmell19 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: