Some people believe that the best way to produce a happier society is to ensure that there are only small differences between the richest and the poorest members. to what extent do you agree or disagree?

Few citizens opine that less difference between the prosperous and the penurious will lead to happier surroundings. I do not concur with
this
statement as I believe there are a plethora of reasons barring being rich that make an individual happy.
This
essay will throw light on my views with relevant examples.
To begin
with, being stress-free is a dream of every person. The public
feel
Change the verb form
feels
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that treating the high standard families with the middle class or the low class equally
,
Remove the comma
apply
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will make the society more auspicious.
However
, I completely do not agree with
this
and think that there are many other factors that make people happy.
Firstly
, being healthy in life and enjoying even small things with
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
family members will definitely make the community fortunate.
For example
, my neighbours are a family of 5, they relish each and every day with something or the other to celebrate though not strong financially.
Secondly
, having strong faith in the universe for our well-being by appreciating everything we have will automatically make an ally jolly. To add on, providing free education from the government to the needy will yield excellent results that in turn will lead to more professionals who can contribute to society and enhance the economy. To illustrate, our chief minister
offer
Correct subject-verb agreement
offers
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scholarship
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scholarships
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for the minority or Dalits, where a lot of students take leverage of
this
facility and prove themselves by coming out with flying colours in their academics.
Furthermore
, augmenting the job sector will mitigate the poverty line, where the populace can work and earn their living and stay wealthy.
To conclude
, though the
communal
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community
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assume
Correct subject-verb agreement
assumes
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that equality between the privileged and underprivileged is the main aspect of happiness, in my assumption, camaraderie among family, believing in infinite intelligence for our fortune, funding for schooling, filling vacancies with required citizens, and so on will keep the nation tension free.
Submitted by saniafatima185 on

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task response
Focus on addressing the prompt more directly and clearly presenting your stance. Provide more specific examples to support your points. Structure your essay with clearer introductory and concluding statements, as well as stronger topic sentences for each body paragraph.
coherence and cohesion
Improve the coherence and cohesion by using more cohesive devices (e.g., linking words, pronouns) to connect ideas and paragraphs. Ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and supports the main argument of the essay.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • income inequality
  • distribution of wealth
  • social cohesion
  • social unrest
  • crime rates
  • economic equality
  • overall well-being
  • health outcomes
  • education outcomes
  • motivation
  • innovation
  • equal opportunities
  • wealth redistribution
  • economic growth
  • productivity
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