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Writing Samples
Band 6

Some say that advertisements of toys and snacks have a huge impact on children and their parents, and therefore advertising to children should be banned. Do you agree or disagree with the statement? Give your own opinion.

Since the inception of the information age, advertisements have become a prominent sector to advertise products to people, among which
toys
Use synonyms
 and
snacks
Use synonyms
 are popular among
children
Use synonyms
. The advertisements of
such
Linking Words
 goods have impacted
children
Use synonyms
’s
attitude
Fix the agreement mistake
attitudes
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 as well as
parents
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 are affected in some way. I disagree that young people should be restricted from products that are targeted
for
Change preposition
at
show examples
 them.
Firstly
Linking Words
,
toys
Use synonyms
 have a bad effect on the psychology of young minds.
In other words
Linking Words
,
children
Use synonyms
 tend to play more with
such
Linking Words
toys
Use synonyms
 than with real friends out there.
Parents
Use synonyms
 are
also
Linking Words
 affected when their
child
Fix the agreement mistake
children
show examples
 beg them to buy
toys
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 because not all
parents
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 are economically sustainable to
fulfill
Change the spelling
fulfil
show examples
 their child’s demand which creates another long term effect on their innocent brains. A recent survey conducted by Times in the people born between 1990 to 2000 revealed that their
parents
Use synonyms
 were poor to afford them even a single teddy bear, which affected them in
such
Linking Words
 a way that they felt bad for their
parents
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 and wanted their
children
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 to not suffer for what they want in life.
Secondly
Linking Words
,
snacks
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 that are advertised for
children
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 are bad for their health. As
snacks
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 are fast food items made with ingredients
which
Correct pronoun usage
that
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 can harm their brain development, watching advertisements about them everywhere makes them buy and eat frequently. In the long run, the intellectuals of young
children
Use synonyms
 are affected by its daily consumption.
For instance
Linking Words
, in a school report presented by health workers of Nepal Medical College, they saw that students in villages are more critical thinkers than those living in cities because country
children
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 mostly eat local foods produced
in
Change preposition
on
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 their farm while
children
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 in
Correct article usage
the city
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city
Fix the agreement mistake
cities
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 eat more junk food like
snacks
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. In conclusion, advertisers should be careful about the products they advertise. The items like
toys
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 and
snacks
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 should not be advertised by focusing
the
Change preposition
on the
show examples
children
Use synonyms
 and
parents
Use synonyms
 as that can create social and mental disturbance between
parents
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 and
children
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.

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Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • impressionable
  • manipulation
  • persuasive intent
  • financial strain
  • dietary habits
  • childhood obesity
  • regulations
  • free market practices
  • vulnerable
  • exposure
What to do next:
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