In many counties around the world,rural people are moving to cities, so the population in the countryside is decreasing. Do you think this is positive or a negative devlopment ?

#counties #world #people #cities #population #countryside #devlopment

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Nowadays, many

people

from the countryside tend to move to modern and big

cities

to live. Some

people

suppose it will make the population of the rural

areas

decline strongly. In my perspective, I strongly agree with

this

statement and I am going to explain more specifically in

this

essay. More and more

people

today found the benefits of living in

cities

and moving gradually to

this

area. The most important reason is living in

cities

can bring them many advantages. first of all, the

people

who reside in

cities

can have more potential opportunities to follow their dream job. So, they can earn a handsome income

instead

of working in rural

areas

For example

, the average salaries of white-collar workers are more than that of blue-collar workers.

In addition

, entertainment is one of the reasonable causes that make

people

love big

cities

, especially the young generation. With the development of technology, plenty of infrastructure is built with high quality

such

as cinemas, supermarkets and sports

centre

Fix the agreement mistake

centres

show examples

. All of the modern things will advance the living standard of citizens and make a huge of

people

want to settle down there.

On the other hand

, the proportion of

people

from rural destinations moving to modern

cities

is increasing rocketing

day

This

issue can have a huge detrimental impact on the development of countries.

This

problem can cause a shortage of population in the countryside and lead to reduce the quality of industrial

areas

. Because industrial places tend to be located far from the city and usually stay in the countryside. For that reason, moving too much to urban

areas

can lead to a fall in the amount labour force and even manufacturing processes in the agriculture field.

Moreover

, crime can involve strongly in the places with many

people

reside and make society dangerous. The

last

one is the environment, traffic jams appear

day

based on overpopulation and even affecting the environment because of releasing gas emissions from these vehicles. The consequences of climate change and global warming occur more than in the past. In conclusion, the government and the authorities should impose more policies to encourage the residents to relocate to rural

areas

and give them more benefits and incentives

such

as modern infrastructure and potential job opportunities for them.

Submitted by phamletrungkien1230 on Wed Apr 24 2024

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task achievement

Ensure consistency in your argument and try to provide more varied examples to clearly support your points. While your essay discusses the topic well, deepening the range of examples can enhance the argument's persuasion.

coherence cohesion

Pay attention to small typos and grammatical inaccuracies, as they can sometimes distract from your message. Proofreading can help eliminate these minor errors, making your argument stronger and more coherent.

coherence cohesion

Consider strengthening the link between your ideas and paragraphs using more varied transitional phrases. This could enhance the flow and cohesion of your essay, making the progression of arguments smoother.

coherence cohesion

Your essay provides a well-structured argument, effectively addressing both the advantages and disadvantages of rural-to-urban migration.

coherence cohesion

The introduction and conclusion are clear and effectively frame your argument, creating a coherent narrative throughout the essay.

task achievement

Your essay demonstrates a sound understanding of the prompt by discussing relevant reasons for migration and its impacts, thereby achieving the task's requirements.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

8
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 8.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

382 words

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In many counties around the world,rural people are moving to cities, so the population in the countryside is decreasing. Do you think this is positive or a negative devlopment ?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Some people think that in the modern world we are more dependent on each orther. Others argue that people have become more independent. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

In some place, old age is valued, while in other cultures youth is considered more important. Discuss both views and give your opinion

Some people say that there is too much harmful content on the internet. They say the only way to make the internet safe is for the government to censor the content of websites. To what extent do you think the government should control what information is available on the internet?

Throughout history, male leaders often made society more violent and conflicting. If women governed the world, the world would be more peaceful. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Many people believe that social networking sites (such as Facebook) have had a huge negative impact on both individuals and society. To what extent do you agree?