IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

In many counties around the world,rural people are moving to cities, so the population in the countryside is decreasing. Do you think this is positive or a negative devlopment ?

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Nowadays, many
people
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 from the countryside tend to move to modern and big
cities
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 to live. Some
people
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 suppose it will make the population of the rural
areas
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 decline strongly. In my perspective, I strongly agree with
this
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 statement and I am going to explain more specifically in
this
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 essay. More and more
people
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 today found the benefits of living in
cities
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 and moving gradually to
this
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 area. The most important reason is living in
cities
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 can bring them many advantages. first of all, the
people
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 who reside in
cities
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 can have more potential opportunities to follow their dream job. So, they can earn a handsome income
instead
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 of working in rural
areas
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.
For example
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, the average salaries of white-collar workers are more than that of blue-collar workers.
In addition
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, entertainment is one of the reasonable causes that make
people
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 love big
cities
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, especially the young generation. With the development of technology, plenty of infrastructure is built with high quality
such
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 as cinemas, supermarkets and sports
centre
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centres
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. All of the modern things will advance the living standard of citizens and make a huge of
people
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 want to settle down there.
On the other hand
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, the proportion of
people
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 from rural destinations moving to modern
cities
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 is increasing rocketing
day
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 by
day
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.
This
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 issue can have a huge detrimental impact on the development of countries.
This
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 problem can cause a shortage of population in the countryside and lead to reduce the quality of industrial
areas
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. Because industrial places tend to be located far from the city and usually stay in the countryside. For that reason, moving too much to urban
areas
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 can lead to a fall in the amount labour force and even manufacturing processes in the agriculture field.
Moreover
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, crime can involve strongly in the places with many
people
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 reside and make society dangerous. The
last
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 one is the environment, traffic jams appear
day
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 by
day
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 based on overpopulation and even affecting the environment because of releasing gas emissions from these vehicles. The consequences of climate change and global warming occur more than in the past. In conclusion, the government and the authorities should impose more policies to encourage the residents to relocate to rural
areas
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 and give them more benefits and incentives
such
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 as modern infrastructure and potential job opportunities for them.

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task achievement
Ensure consistency in your argument and try to provide more varied examples to clearly support your points. While your essay discusses the topic well, deepening the range of examples can enhance the argument's persuasion.
coherence cohesion
Pay attention to small typos and grammatical inaccuracies, as they can sometimes distract from your message. Proofreading can help eliminate these minor errors, making your argument stronger and more coherent.
coherence cohesion
Consider strengthening the link between your ideas and paragraphs using more varied transitional phrases. This could enhance the flow and cohesion of your essay, making the progression of arguments smoother.
coherence cohesion
Your essay provides a well-structured argument, effectively addressing both the advantages and disadvantages of rural-to-urban migration.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are clear and effectively frame your argument, creating a coherent narrative throughout the essay.
task achievement
Your essay demonstrates a sound understanding of the prompt by discussing relevant reasons for migration and its impacts, thereby achieving the task's requirements.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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