Some people think that children nowadays have too much freedom. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Today, young
children
have more free time
and space
than before. Although
they have more freedom in some aspects, I believe that they should offer more free time
and space
.
On the one hand, the young generation has too much freedom in some activities . The most obvious is that sometimes they can behave without control. This
means that if students are not educated about the basic rules of communication in schools and homes, they may be rude and copy what they see and hear through social media, making
great barriers to their lives. Another is that they have more easy access to junk foods and sugary drinks. Verb problem
creating
This
consumption habit can lead to an unhealthy lifestyle. As a result
, children
’s obesity has been one of the main concerns in most developed countries, which already threatens their public health systems. Moreover
, allowing them to play video games and surf the Internet freely can lead to an inactive lifestyle. For example
, young people are more likely to be addicted to games and the lack of regular exercise affects their studies and lives.
On the other hand
, children
still need to be provided more free time
and space
. Firstly
, free time
can help to develop their potential. For instance
, they can study a variety of extra-curriculums, arts
in their spare Correct word choice
and arts
time
to find their interests, which allows them to expand horizons
and improves their sense of beauty. Correct pronoun usage
their horizons
Secondly
, offering more free space
for young people can help to build independent thinking. If parents can encourage them to make decisions and find solutions when they address issues, they will have a more solid foundation for their future careers. Furthermore
, children
who can be encouraged to think freely can be more creative and gain their
sense of achievement.
In conclusion, Change the word
a
although
young children
have more freedom about
choosing their food and leisure lifestyle, I believe that they should be offered more free Change preposition
in
time
and space
to study and think.Submitted by chefuyin on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
task response
Ensure that all main points are thoroughly addressed in relation to the prompt. Develop the ideas further to provide a more comprehensive response.
coherence and cohesion
The essay mostly maintains a clear and logical sequence of ideas, but consider using more transition words and phrases to improve coherence and cohesion.
Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+
Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!