IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people think that children nowadays have too much freedom. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #children #freedom
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Today, young
children
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 have more free
time
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 and
space
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 than before.
Although
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 they have more freedom in some aspects, I believe that they should offer more free
time
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 and
space
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. On the one hand, the young generation has too much freedom in some activities . The most obvious is that sometimes they can behave without control.
This
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 means that if students are not educated about the basic rules of communication in schools and homes, they may be rude and copy what they see and hear through social media,
making
Verb problem
creating
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 great barriers to their lives. Another is that they have more easy access to junk foods and sugary drinks.
This
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 consumption habit can lead to an unhealthy lifestyle.
As a result
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,
children
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’s obesity has been one of the main concerns in most developed countries, which already threatens their public health systems.
Moreover
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, allowing them to play video games and surf the Internet freely can lead to an inactive lifestyle.
For example
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, young people are more likely to be addicted to games and the lack of regular exercise affects their studies and lives.
On the other hand
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,
children
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 still need to be provided more free
time
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 and
space
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.
Firstly
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, free
time
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 can help to develop their potential.
For instance
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, they can study a variety of extra-curriculums,
arts
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and arts
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 in their spare
time
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 to find their interests, which allows them to expand
horizons
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their horizons
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 and improves their sense of beauty.
Secondly
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, offering more free
space
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 for young people can help to build independent thinking. If parents can encourage them to make decisions and find solutions when they address issues, they will have a more solid foundation for their future careers.
Furthermore
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,
children
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 who can be encouraged to think freely can be more creative and gain
their
Change the word
a
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 sense of achievement. In conclusion,
although
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 young
children
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 have more freedom
about
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in
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 choosing their food and leisure lifestyle, I believe that they should be offered more free
time
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 and
space
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 to study and think.
Submitted by chefuyin on

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