IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

Many famous people treated unfairly by the media? Should they be given more privacy? Discuss both these views and give your own opinion

#people #media #privacy
Nowadays, we can see
celebrities
Change noun form
celebrities'
celebrity's
show examples
 lifestyles easier more than in the past because of the advertisement on social
media
. Some
people
 believe that many celebrities are treated not fair by the
media
, while others think that the
media
 should respect their privacy. In the following paragraph, both of these views point and my opinion will be discussed in detail. As we have known,
this
 career is like a spotlight
that
Change preposition
in that
show examples
people
 are very interested in their personality and lifestyle all the time. Even they go to eat out with their family, or going to shopping with friends, these kinds of activities get more attention from the public.
Therefore
, Famous
people
 should remind themself that if publishers do not release their news, they will not popular and get a job certainly.
On the other hand
, all
media
 should respect celebrity’s privacy at the same time even though there are famous
people
. The
media
 have to realize that all of them want to spend their life same as the normal
people
 when they do not have to work.
Therefore
, it is the most important thing to provide them with a safe zone in our society . From my point of view, it is a benefit for famous
people
 who want to lead their family members to stand in the entertainment field as well. They can make more money from
this
 situation.
For example
, some famous
people
 like to take a photo of their kids and post them on social
media
. when the child company product saw the pictures, so they are trying to contact to create content from that children. To conclude,
although
 celebrities can make more money when they have appeared in the
media
, publishers have to provide some privacy for making them feel comfortable as well.
Moreover
, from my perspective, it is good for those who want to lead their family member to the entertainment field too.
Submitted by prabpolpaporn on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: