IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Most societies has its homeless people. Some people think that the best way to help them is to give them money. To what extent do you agree?

#societies #people #money
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
It is important to help roofless
people
Use synonyms
.
Although
Linking Words
 if government gives
money
Use synonyms
 to them it could be helpful for them to create their own lifestyle.
However
Linking Words
 not all cases.
In contrast
Linking Words
, they could waste
this
Linking Words
money
Use synonyms
. When homeless
people
Use synonyms
 receive
money
Use synonyms
, they can supply their own life expenses.
As a result
Linking Words
, in the process, they could recover themselves and create their own lifestyle.
For example
Linking Words
, it was proved that in 2017 there was an experiment in which was USA gave a particular amount of
money
Use synonyms
 to homeless
people
Use synonyms
 and in the survey 37% recovered themselves and created their own lifestyle.
Thus
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 method could be helpful in some cases. From the other perspective, it could be harmful too.If they get
money
Use synonyms
 they might spend
money
Use synonyms
 for another way.
Moreover
Linking Words
, they can waste
theirs
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 for unnecessary things as they do not have enough knowledge about how to avoid
such
Linking Words
 kind of situation and about how to spend
money
Use synonyms
 efficiently
as well as
Linking Words
 in
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 right way.Consequentially, after spending they will come back again to
this
Linking Words
 situation.
For instance
Linking Words
,it was proved that in 2015 there was an experiment in which was UK gave a certain amount of budget to roofless
people
Use synonyms
 and
at the end
Linking Words
 of the survey 50% wasted their
money
Use synonyms
 and returned to the perverse circle of their lives.
Therefore
Linking Words
,
for
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 reason, it could be non-beneficial sometimes.
To sum up
Linking Words
, if the homeless get the
money
Use synonyms
 it can lead to supply life expenses.
However
Linking Words
, in some cases, it could not work they waste their
money
Use synonyms
. My personal opinion is that they should not given
money
Use synonyms
 for these reasons.
Submitted by makemoneyizzy16 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

introduction conclusion
Ensure that the introduction clearly outlines the stance on the topic. This sets the tone for the rest of the essay.
logical structure
Consider adding more cohesive devices to ensure a smoother flow between sentences and paragraphs.
clear comprehensive ideas
Clarify complex ideas for better understanding and avoid overly long sentences that may confuse the reader.
relevant specific examples
The essay includes relevant examples to support the main points, which adds strength to the arguments.
complete response
The essay provides a balanced discussion, acknowledging both potential benefits and drawbacks of giving money to homeless people.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: