IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Write a letter to the cinema manager to inform him or her that you have lost your bag in the cinema. In your letter, you should: Tell exactly what happened and when Explain where you think you left the bag Ask the manager to help find your bag

#cinema #manager #bag
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Dear Sir/Madam, I am Tajinder Singh from Brampton, working as an assistant manager at ABC Industries. I am writing
this
 letter to inform you that I
forgot
Verb problem
left
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 my suitcase at your cinema. To commence with, I visited your cinema hall with my friends on March 12,
2024
Add a comma
2024,
show examples
 to watch a movie. On that day, I
also
 brought a bag, which had some important documents, as I decided to go for a meeting after the movie. Unfortunately, I left those documents in the cinema hall, which is very essential for my project. Apart from that, it is a black leather suitcase with a golden handle and
also
 has some cash, credit cards and my house keys. I think I
forgot
Verb problem
left
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 it in the auditorium of
Cineplix
Correct your spelling
Cineplex
 when we were leaving the hall. I am
also
 sharing movie ticket details and a photo of my suitcase; so you can locate it easily. I would appreciate your immediate attention to
this
 matter. I look forward to hearing from you. Yours sincerely, Tajinder Singh
Submitted by tajinder.panag on

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Coherence and Cohesion
Maintain a clear logical structure by organizing your letter into distinct paragraphs with clear purposes: one for the introduction and context, one detailing the event and circumstances, another describing the bag, and a final paragraph outlining your request for assistance.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph contains a single clear idea. The letter could be improved by splitting the second paragraph into two: one describing the event and when the bag was lost, and another focused solely on the bag's description and contents.
Task Achievement
To fully meet the task response criterion, ensure all questions are answered completely. Providing the time of the movie screening could make the response more complete.
Task Achievement
The overall tone is suitable for the letter's purpose, and you've used appropriate formal language. To improve, consider using a more direct approach in the request to the manager by including specific actions you would like them to take, such as reviewing security footage or contacting you immediately if the bag is found.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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