Some people think that personal happiness is directly related to economic success. Others argue that happiness depends on different factors. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Happiness in human beings is a part of

life

. Some people believe it comes after getting economic success, but others say that it can be achieved in different ways. In my opinion, I believe economic success as well as other criteria in a person's

life

brings happiness. On the one hand, being rich makes anyone can do anything in their

life

In other words

, richness brings joy by fulfilling every dream of

life

, whether it is buying luxury homes, cars

and

Correct word choice

show examples

traveling

Change the spelling

travelling

show examples

the world.

Also

, a family with a strong economy has happier because their children do not have to suffer from anything in their whole

life

For instance

, many Americans spend more than 80

percent

Change the spelling

per cent

show examples

of their daily

life

on entertainment, while Africans spend their day looking for good food or finding International organizations' volunteers to help them.

This

is happening, due to the economic success achieved by the USA, so they worry less about other basic things.

On the other hand

, there are many people out there, who are unhappy with their

life

even after being rich and successful. To clarify, not all person enjoys joy with

money

. Some want to love

from

Change preposition

apply

show examples

their parents, and some desire to be accompanied by besties,

however

, to them,

money

can only buy physical things.

For example

, in South Korea, many kids from rich families usually have fewer friends during their school days than those from poor or middle families. It is because rich parents teach their children to stay away from poor friends.

In addition

, children tend to enjoy themselves a lot even when they are unaware of the richness of each other. In conclusion, economic stability is important in

life

to attain desires which could not be possible, if there is no

money

. In the meantime, people have to build relationships other than

money

-oriented business relationships to obtain happiness in

life

that can be fulfilled by

money

Submitted by okeeytw on Wed Mar 30 2022

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8Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

318 words

7.50

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 9.0

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Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

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Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 9.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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