IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 8

Some people think that personal happiness is directly related to economic success. Others argue that happiness depends on different factors. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #happiness #success #factors
The pursuit and sustenance of happiness are one of the most enriching and pivotal journeys of every human being. A man who found what makes him or her happy has found a treasure. While some believe monetary success can bring joy and meaning, others argue that true satisfaction and contentment depend on various factors. Herein, I will discuss both points of view and present my view on why I support the latter. There are many things that can bring joy to a human’s
life
. For starters, having a loving and warm family and friends can bring a sense of security and worth to a human. When our emotional needs are met and are reciprocated, we gain the strength to face the world and all the difficult circumstances it entails.
In addition
, being able to find a vocation that you enjoy and as well as can make a living out of it, will not only meet your financial needs but
also
 will bring happiness as you enjoy your work.
For example
, many well-learned men have rejected the idea of accumulating materialistic things in exchange for knowledge and wisdom.
Hence
, blissful
life
 can be achieved in ways that do not require economic success.
On the other hand
, many believe that financial gain has a direct influence on people’s quality of
life
.
However
, there are many instances that do not support
this
 thought process. Like, many people from affluent backgrounds claim to have remorse and a cynical view of
life
.
Furthermore
, there are many
life
 joys namely diseases, deaths, love, compassion that money cannot buy. To summarize,
although
 many believe that quality of
life
 is dependent on one’s economic achievements, I believe there are other factors that play a crucial role.
Submitted by Leena Kapoor on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: