Some people believe that money is the most important factor for achieving happiness. However, others believe that happiness has nothing to do with money. Do you agree or disagree? Give your own opinion and examples

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A few individuals are of the opinion that being rich is the primary reason to attain a happy

life

Use synonyms

while

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others are of the view that materialistic things cannot buy

your

Change the word

the

show examples

joys of

life

Use synonyms

. I completely agree that money cannot be the sole reason for anyone to feel content and happy .

This

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essay shall discuss the same

along with

Linking Words

a few examples.

Firstly

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, we all know that some things in

life

Use synonyms

cannot be bought. Things like love, loyalty, trust etc. are traits and values that cannot be attained through monetary transactions. They are either inherent or earned over a period of time by people and

Correct pronoun usage

they

show examples

only

grows

Correct subject-verb agreement

grow

show examples

as individuals mutually work upon themselves and

along with

Linking Words

others. To state an example, if you love someone, you do not fall in love with their bank balance, rather you get attracted to the qualities the person possesses.

Secondly

Linking Words

while

Linking Words

money can get you certain comforts in

life

Use synonyms

but

Correct word choice

apply

show examples

it cannot make you enjoy them to the best of it. We see so many rich people suffering from major illnesses

due to

Linking Words

which they are restricted in so many ways, like their diet, body movement, etc. Being cash-rich might help them get

Remove the article

apply

show examples

good medical treatment from the best in class doctors and hospitals but neither it can buy their joy and freedom to go anywhere, eat any food nor can it force their loved ones to take care of them.

For instance

Linking Words

, my uncle who has inherent(LR) family wealth has a heart problem

due to

Linking Words

which he is hospitalized and can only have a set diet. In conclusion, I strongly believe that

while

Linking Words

money can get you a few comforts in

life

Use synonyms

but

Correct word choice

apply

show examples

it cannot buy

your

Change the pronoun

you

show examples

the pleasure to live

life

Use synonyms

. One must prioritise working

upon

Change preposition

show examples

themselves

Correct pronoun usage

oneself

show examples

and their values to attain happiness

instead

Linking Words

shailjameel2410Thu Mar 31 2022

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task response

The essay provides a clear perspective on the topic and supports the argument effectively. However, the logical structure could be further improved to enhance the clarity of the points.

coherence and cohesion

The introduction and conclusion are well-presented and effectively summarize the key points of the essay. The coherence and cohesion between paragraphs are strong, leading to a clear flow of ideas.

8
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
9
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

305 words

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Some people believe that money is the most important factor for achieving happiness. However, others believe that happiness has nothing to do with money. Do you agree or disagree? Give your own opinion and examples

Some people believe that violence on television and in computer games has a damaging effect on the society. Others deny that these factors have any significant influence on people's behaviour. What is your opinion?

Some university students want to learn about other subjects in addition to their main subjects.Others believe it is more important to give all their time and attention to study for a qualification. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion

In some cultures, children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. What are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this message?

Some people believe that oleder people should be retained at work as long as they are still healthy. However, others say that they should retire and enjoy their time.