Some people believe that money is the most important factor for achieving happiness. However, others believe that happiness has nothing to do with money. Do you agree or disagree? Give your own opinion and examples

#people #money #factor #happiness

A few individuals are of the opinion that being rich is the primary reason to attain a happy

life

while

others are of the view that materialistic things cannot buy

your

Change the word

the

show examples

joys of

life

. I completely agree that money cannot be the sole reason for anyone to feel content and happy .

This

essay shall discuss the same

along with

a few examples.

Firstly

, we all know that some things in

life

cannot be bought. Things like love, loyalty, trust etc. are traits and values that cannot be attained through monetary transactions. They are either inherent or earned over a period of time by people and

Correct pronoun usage

they

show examples

only

grows

Correct subject-verb agreement

grow

show examples

as individuals mutually work upon themselves and

along with

others. To state an example, if you love someone, you do not fall in love with their bank balance, rather you get attracted to the qualities the person possesses.

Secondly

while

money can get you certain comforts in

life

but

Correct word choice

apply

show examples

it cannot make you enjoy them to the best of it. We see so many rich people suffering from major illnesses

due to

which they are restricted in so many ways, like their diet, body movement, etc. Being cash-rich might help them get

Remove the article

apply

show examples

good medical treatment from the best in class doctors and hospitals but neither it can buy their joy and freedom to go anywhere, eat any food nor can it force their loved ones to take care of them.

For instance

, my uncle who has inherent(LR) family wealth has a heart problem

due to

which he is hospitalized and can only have a set diet. In conclusion, I strongly believe that

while

money can get you a few comforts in

life

but

Correct word choice

apply

show examples

it cannot buy

your

Change the pronoun

you

show examples

the pleasure to live

life

. One must prioritise working

upon

Change preposition

show examples

themselves

Correct pronoun usage

oneself

show examples

and their values to attain happiness

instead

Submitted by shailjameel2410 on Thu Mar 31 2022

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response

The essay provides a clear perspective on the topic and supports the argument effectively. However, the logical structure could be further improved to enhance the clarity of the points.

coherence and cohesion

The introduction and conclusion are well-presented and effectively summarize the key points of the essay. The coherence and cohesion between paragraphs are strong, leading to a clear flow of ideas.

Do you want to check your IELTS essays?

Submit unlimited essays, letters and charts. Sign up right now and start improving your writing skills.

8Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
9Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

305 words

5.00

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

Unlimited Task 1 checks
Get all the feedback you need to keep improving your charts and letters.
Unlimited Task 2 checks
Practice and perfect your skills with essays.
Personalized suggestions
Know how to boost your score.
Detailed mistakes analysis
Get instant feedback. Spot every mistake.
Topic ideas generator
Get topic-specific ideas to enhance your writing.
Vocabulary helper
Get the right words for any topic.
Progress tracking
Track your writing improvements.

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

4.5
band
In many countries import food from other contry of the world.what are the advantages and disadvantages of this kasur.
Each country has its own strategy regarding import and export of commodiites. Although some elites believe food supply is vital for the country so it should not be imported, others believe it could be beneficial for the society. I think the advantages of it outweight its disadvantages.
4.5
band
In some countries young people are encouraged to work or travel for a year between finishing high school and starting a university studies. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages for young people who decide to do this.
A gap year has been a topic of discussion of parents and students for years. In some nations, young students graduationg high school are encouraged to work or take their time off to travel for a year before furthering their higher education. Personally, there are both benefits and drawbacks for those who decide to take a break for a year. The advantages and disadvantages are to be elaborated with reasons to support.
5
band
Human activity has had a negative impact on planet and animals around the world. Some people think that this cannot be changed, while others think actions can be taken to bring about a change. Discuss both the views and give your opinion
People have different views about the negative impact that cannot be changed actions can bring changes. While there are some difficulties for humans to adjust and cope with this problem, I believe that if we take some actions the situation will get better.
<4
band
As well as making money, businesses also have social responsibilities. Do you agree or disagree?
in today's budding age, plenty business and factories don't should pay attention to only making money. Although I agree with this opinion, I cannot deny the responsibility for society. that is why, they also should in charge of social responsibilities.
6.5
band
In developing countries growing population is a significant problem should government provide new homes in cities or countries?
Nowadays, the growing population is a serious problem in developing countries. The needs of the community, such as accommodation are one of the biggest problems that the government need to duel with. Some crowd think that providing new homes in the cities or countries is essential to tackle the problem, while others say that there is another social issue such as education, that is far more urgent for the government to cope with in the countries. In my opinion, I agree that the government should ensure the new generation has their own apartment. In this essay, I will give out more examples of both views.

Some people believe that money is the most important factor for achieving happiness. However, others believe that happiness has nothing to do with money. Do you agree or disagree? Give your own opinion and examples

In many countries import food from other contry of the world.what are the advantages and disadvantages of this kasur.

In some countries young people are encouraged to work or travel for a year between finishing high school and starting a university studies. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages for young people who decide to do this.

Human activity has had a negative impact on planet and animals around the world. Some people think that this cannot be changed, while others think actions can be taken to bring about a change. Discuss both the views and give your opinion

As well as making money, businesses also have social responsibilities. Do you agree or disagree?

In developing countries growing population is a significant problem should government provide new homes in cities or countries?