IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

successful sports profesionals can earn a great deal more money than people in the other important professions. some people think this is fully justified while others think it is unfair. discuss both these views and give your own opinion

#sports #profesionals #money #people #professions
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The
Correct article usage
apply
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Sports professionals have long and demanding days of training and food
restrictitions
Correct your spelling
restrictions
 which are reflected a short term physical injuries,
due to
 physical wear
tear
Correct word choice
and tear
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, some people think that
hight
Correct your spelling
high
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salaries
 for athletes
conmmesurate
Correct your spelling
commensurate
 with their efforts,
while
 others hold of view that
this
Correct pronoun usage
these
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are
Change the verb form
is
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 unfair, because there are others
importants
Correct your spelling
important
 carriers for society. I shall
to
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apply
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explain my perspective
analizing
Correct your spelling
analysing
 each opinion in
this
 essay.
however
, there are
others
Correct quantifier usage
other
show examples
 careers long duration, that have great
invesments
Correct your spelling
investments
investment
 of money for parents and students,
Therefore
 once they finish it is very difficult to find work or they can even work with low
salaries
, in that case, many people believe that
this
 is unfair for the majority of professionals.
For example
, archaeological investigations with budgets that are too low that force the project to end. In my
opinion
Add a comma
opinion,
show examples
salaries
 should be equal,
however
Add a comma
however,
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 I believe that the athlete should earn more money for their injuries and physical activity. It is important
highlight
Add the particle
to highlight
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 that since childhood High-performance are subject to demanding training to earn an important place in the sport, they can be recognized in the future so that a sponsor can help them.
Then
,
this
 took many years of practice and dedication to be
reconaize
Correct your spelling
recognised
, as far as a few
athleths recieve
Correct your spelling
athletes receive
 large sums of money
thus
 in the future muscle problems,
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
which force a quit
Change preposition
at a
show examples
a
Change the article
an
show examples
 early age.
For
instance
Add a comma
instance,
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 the soccers gain fame at the cost of their health.
To sum up
,
althoungh
Correct your spelling
although
 there are careers that
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
deserve fair
salaries
due to
 study time, I find that
pay
Correct article usage
the pay
show examples
 of athletes is suitable for their preparation.
Submitted by dannyrrng33 on

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coherence
Work on maintaining a clearer logical structure. Some points seem disconnected, and transitioning between ideas more smoothly can help. Using linking words and phrases to connect paragraphs and sentences would improve this aspect.
language
There are a few grammatical errors and awkward phrasings throughout the essay, which can be distracting. Focus on sentence structure and grammar to enhance readability.
task
Consider providing more specific examples and detailed explanations to support your main points. This would make your arguments more persuasive and comprehensive.
coherence
The conclusion is present and it summarizes the main points well.
task
The essay addresses both views on the topic and provides an opinion, which fulfills the task requirements.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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