IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

some countries an increasing number of people are suffering from health problems as a result of eating too much fast food. It is therefore necessary for governments to impose a higher tax on this kind of food. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
It has been observed by many countries that nowadays, a majority of people have
a lots
Correct the article-noun agreement
a lot
lots
show examples
 of
helath
Correct your spelling
health
 problems regarding fast
food
Use synonyms
.
Therefore
Linking Words
 they think that the government should put a high price
taxt
Correct your spelling
text
tax
 on these
thypes
Correct your spelling
types
 of
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
food
Use synonyms
.I would agree with
such
Linking Words
 an opinion to a large extent and the reason for my stand will be elaborated
further
Linking Words
.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, why fast
food
Use synonyms
 is
the
Change the article
apply
show examples
dangerous for us, to answer
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
, it is
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 main cause of obesity.To explain it, nowadays many adults along with children have extra weight, due to
everyon
Correct your spelling
everyone
 has a
habits
Correct the article-noun agreement
habit
show examples
 of
junkfood
Correct your spelling
junk food
 like pizza,burger,beverage.
In
Change preposition
At
show examples
 every
funcation
Correct your spelling
function
,wedding or party they eat these types of foods
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
and do not have a healthy routine exercise,gym,walk.Through it the lots of weight increase day by day.
For example
Linking Words
,the data revealed by WHO(world health organization) 70% of
American
Fix the agreement mistake
Americans
show examples
 are suffering
Correct your spelling
from
show examples
form
Correct your spelling
from
show examples
 obesity.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
the
Remove the article
apply
show examples
another
Correct quantifier usage
other
show examples
one
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
effect is the
harmfull
Correct your spelling
harmful
 disease.To explicate it, these types of
food
Use synonyms
 makes
disease
Fix the agreement mistake
diseases
show examples
such
Linking Words
a
Correct your spelling
as
show examples
cencer
Correct your spelling
cancer
centre
,blood pressure,
skin
Correct word choice
and skin
show examples
 problems.
Also
Linking Words
, It has
found
Add a missing verb
been found
show examples
 that fast foods brands like pizza
hurt
Correct your spelling
hut
show examples
, subway,they
not put
Change the verb form
are not put
were not put
did not put
show examples
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
fresh ingredients in
food
Use synonyms
.
Hence
Linking Words
, it can damage our organs.
For instance
Linking Words
,in 2020, in India rate was founded in
burgerking's
Correct your spelling
burger king's
burger kings
 burger.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
some times
Correct your spelling
sometimes
show examples
 fast
food
Use synonyms
 makes us happy.To
elaborated
Change the form of the verb
elaborate
show examples
 it, we eat a simple feed our
daliy
Correct your spelling
daily
Correct your spelling
life
lives
lifes
Correct your spelling
lives
show examples
, so we get tired with
this
Linking Words
 routine .
Therefore
Linking Words
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
once a month pizza and
burger
Fix the agreement mistake
burgers
show examples
 make us happy.So, sometimes individuals can eat fast foods
instead
Linking Words
 of
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
regular
feed
Replace the word
food
show examples
. In conclusion, it is true that in recent times
junkfood
Correct your spelling
junk food
 is our favourite.But we cannot ignore the sides effects of it,it has lots of bad
impact
Change to a plural noun
impacts
show examples
.We should eat it very less.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • public health
  • obesity
  • diabetes
  • heart disease
  • health outcomes
  • healthcare costs
  • consumer behavior
  • socio-economic backgrounds
  • ethical implications
  • public health campaigns
  • subsidies
  • regulations
  • nutritional content
  • healthier food options
  • government intervention
What to do next:
Look at other essays: