With deforestation, urban development and illegal hunting, many animal species are becoming endangered as they lose their habitat and some are even threatened to the point of extinction. Do you think it is important to protect animals? What measures can be taken to deal with this problem?

#deforestation #development #species #habitat #point #extinction #animals #measures

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There is no doubt that nowadays the question of deforestation, urbanization, and illegal hunting is ever more acute in recent times

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because various animal species are under threat of extinction.

This

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essay examines the importance of animal protection and

measures

Correct article usage

the measures

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that are necessary to take.

Firstly

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, there is no secret that everything in nature is connected to each other,

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any irreparable changes will influence not only

animals

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and plants

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but

also

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people in a negative way. The extinction of one species will lead to the disappearance of another one.

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, if the vegetable food of the white hares disappears, they will begin to starve to death,

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the wolves that feed on these hares will

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begin to be exterminated.

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is known as the food chain, which if broken will lead to a real disaster that will affect people.

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, ethical evaluations are crucial, unlimited killings of

animals

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will lead to increasing inhumanity among individuals.

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, as for measures, the government should issue laws that will protect biodiversity from unbounded poaching.

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, special areas where

animals

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can quietly live should be built

instead

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of zoos, where beasts are suffering and dying.

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, every person should be aware of problems that arise with ecology,

therefore

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such

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troubles should be covered by the media. It is important to remember that forewarned is forearmed. In conclusion, safeguarding endangered species is not only a requirement for environmental sustainability

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but

also

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a moral duty. People are not the owners of the planet, they are inhabitants like

animals

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, so we need to treat the Earth carefully.

Submitted by khotkina.ma on Tue Jan 14 2025

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task achievement

Consider providing more specific examples to support your points, which will strengthen your argument significantly.

coherence cohesion

Work on maintaining consistent logical flow between sentences and paragraphs for better readability.

coherence cohesion

The essay includes a clear introduction and conclusion which effectively frame the topic discussed.

task achievement

You present a comprehensive view of the issue, acknowledging the ecological and moral reasons for animal protection.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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11
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

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Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

263 words

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With deforestation, urban development and illegal hunting, many animal species are becoming endangered as they lose their habitat and some are even threatened to the point of extinction. Do you think it is important to protect animals? What measures can be taken to deal with this problem?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

In most countries around the world, children begin learning the English language at school from the primary level. What are the advantages and disadvantages of teaching the English language to children at an early age?

Some people say that large, impressive buildings are important for a city. Others believe that the money should be spent on improving schools and hospitals. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

More and more people are moving away from an agricultural background to relocate to cities to look for work. What will be the consequences of this? What solutions can you offer?

Tobacco is a kind of drug. People have been free to use it. Some people think that it should be illegal to use it comparing with other drugs. To what extent do you agree or disagree? What is your opinion?

A large income is much more important than being satisfied at work. Do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.