IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The charts below show the changes in ownership of electrical appliances and amount of time spent doing housework in households in one country between 1920 and 2019. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The charts below show the changes in ownership of electrical appliances and amount of time spent doing housework in households in one country between 1920 and 2019. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#show #changes #ownership #appliances #amount #time #housework #households #country #summarise #information #features #comparisons
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The line charts below illustrate the
ownership
Use synonyms
 of Washing machines, Refrigerators and
Vacuum
Use synonyms
 cleaners in a
percentage
Use synonyms
 and the time consumed for a
week
Use synonyms
 to do
households
Use synonyms
 in a country from 1920 to 2019.
Overall
Linking Words
,
ownership
Use synonyms
 of all
households
Use synonyms
 was increased for a given period of time. Over the period significant
ownership
Use synonyms
 increased in refrigerators
while
Linking Words
ownership
Use synonyms
 of washing machines and
vacuum
Use synonyms
 cleaners
were
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
increased throughout the period .
Thus
Linking Words
, the total number of
hours
Use synonyms
 per
week
Use synonyms
 usage has decreased gradually. In 1920, washing machines and
vacuum
Use synonyms
 cleaners were more popular (
percentage
Use synonyms
 of
households
Use synonyms
 40% and 30% respectively)and around 1%
Refrigerator
Change preposition
of Refrigerator
show examples
 owners recorded in the same year,
also
Linking Words
, it
has
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
reached the peak level in 1980 (100%
Use synonyms
percentage
Replace the word
percent
show examples
 of
households
Use synonyms
) and remained steadily till 2019.
Although
Linking Words
most
Correct article usage
the most
show examples
 popular
items
Fix the agreement mistake
item
show examples
 were washing machine in 1920 with 40% of
ownership
Use synonyms
,
then
Linking Words
 it increased to 70% in 1960 and dropped
nearly
Change preposition
to nearly
show examples
 5% in 1970, again
continous
Correct your spelling
continuously
 rose
ownership
Use synonyms
 up to 75% till 2019
while
Linking Words
vacuum
Use synonyms
 cleaner increased continuously till 2000 and reached the top (100%) and it has maintained the same
percentage
Use synonyms
 for
next
Linking Words
 19 years. The amount of
hours
Use synonyms
 per
week
Use synonyms
 spent on housework
has
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
significantly decreased from 1920 to 1960 (number of
hours
Use synonyms
 per
week
Use synonyms
 50 to 20 respectively)
then
Linking Words
 a slight drop was there from 1960 to 1980 and it was steady till 2000
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 after there was a minor decrease till 2019, that usage of
households
Use synonyms
 limited to 10
hours
Use synonyms
 per
week
Use synonyms
 .
Submitted by masha27d on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words ownership, vacuum, percentage, week, households, hours with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 4 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "decreased" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 5 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "reached" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "significant" was used 2 times.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • household appliances
  • time-efficient
  • labour-saving devices
  • technological innovations
  • ownership rate
  • housework chores
  • domestic workload
  • automation
  • advancements
  • trend analysis
  • societal shifts
  • economic impact
  • durability
  • lifespan of appliances
  • maintenance
  • historical comparison
  • time allocation
  • drudgery reduction
  • energy consumption
  • disruption in trends
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