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Band 6.5

The charts below show the changes in ownership of electrical appliances and amount of time spent doing housework in households in one country between 1920 and 2019. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The charts below show the changes in ownership of electrical appliances and amount of time spent doing housework in households in one country between 1920 and 2019. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#show #changes #ownership #appliances #amount #time #housework #households #country #summarise #information #features #comparisons
The line charts below illustrate the
ownership
 of Washing machines, Refrigerators and
Vacuum
 cleaners in a
percentage
 and the time consumed for a
week
 to do
households
 in a country from 1920 to 2019.
Overall
,
ownership
 of all
households
 was increased for a given period of time. Over the period significant
ownership
 increased in refrigerators
while
ownership
 of washing machines and
vacuum
 cleaners
were
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
increased throughout the period .
Thus
, the total number of
hours
 per
week
 usage has decreased gradually. In 1920, washing machines and
vacuum
 cleaners were more popular (
percentage
 of
households
 40% and 30% respectively)and around 1%
Refrigerator
Change preposition
of Refrigerator
show examples
 owners recorded in the same year,
also
, it
has
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
reached the peak level in 1980 (100%
percentage
Replace the word
percent
show examples
 of
households
) and remained steadily till 2019.
Although
most
Correct article usage
the most
show examples
 popular
items
Fix the agreement mistake
item
show examples
 were washing machine in 1920 with 40% of
ownership
,
then
 it increased to 70% in 1960 and dropped
nearly
Change preposition
to nearly
show examples
 5% in 1970, again
continous
Correct your spelling
continuously
 rose
ownership
 up to 75% till 2019
while
vacuum
 cleaner increased continuously till 2000 and reached the top (100%) and it has maintained the same
percentage
 for
next
 19 years. The amount of
hours
 per
week
 spent on housework
has
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
significantly decreased from 1920 to 1960 (number of
hours
 per
week
 50 to 20 respectively)
then
 a slight drop was there from 1960 to 1980 and it was steady till 2000
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 after there was a minor decrease till 2019, that usage of
households
 limited to 10
hours
 per
week
 .
Submitted by masha27d on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words ownership, vacuum, percentage, week, households, hours with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 4 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "decreased" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 5 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "reached" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "significant" was used 2 times.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • household appliances
  • time-efficient
  • labour-saving devices
  • technological innovations
  • ownership rate
  • housework chores
  • domestic workload
  • automation
  • advancements
  • trend analysis
  • societal shifts
  • economic impact
  • durability
  • lifespan of appliances
  • maintenance
  • historical comparison
  • time allocation
  • drudgery reduction
  • energy consumption
  • disruption in trends
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