IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people believe that unpaid community service should be a compulsory part of high school programmes (for example working for a charity, improving the neighborhood or teaching sprots to younger children). To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #community #service #part #school #programmes #charity #neighborhood #sprots #children
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It is said that participation in free-of-charge community
service
, and voluntary work at charities
for
Add the comma(s)
, for
show examples
 instance, should be compulsory for high school students.
However
, I strongly disagree with
this
 argument and the reasons will be discussed. It is my view that it is not children who should be engaged in unpaid community
service
, as it can act as a great source of distraction, leading to poor grades.
Instead
, new regulations should be enforced so as to boost standards of living and support in need people by encouraging adults to participate in these activities. I believe that putting strains on secondary school students cannot remedy the situation because they are less likely to benefit from sufficient knowledge and resources.
In addition
, most of them have a tight schedule and find it difficult to even effectively carry out their own responsibilities.
By contrast
, a group of individuals claims that if we want to develop a sense of responsibility for pupils studying at the secondary level, compelling them to engage in free
service
 can be a wise idea, which can lead to a higher standard of living for those who live in deprived areas. They firmly insist that by contributing positively to society, pupils can
also
 develop soft skills
such
 as interpersonal skills.
Thus
, they not only help others but
also
 help themselves.
However
, I do not find
this
 argument convincing, as there are several more effective ways that we can foster pupils to develop soft skills.
For example
, encouraging them to participate in teamwork projects and learning foreign languages can be taken into consideration.
To conclude
, in my opinion, I completely disagree with making unpaid society
service
 compulsory at high schools because students fail to provide ideal
service
.
Submitted by m.r.zamani1376678 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure a clear progression of ideas throughout the essay. Paragraph transitions could be smoother and signal phrases can guide the reader more effectively from one idea to the next.
coherence cohesion
Include an introduction that engages directly with the prompt and a conclusion that summarizes your position effectively. Both were present but could be more fully developed to encapsulate your argument.
coherence cohesion
Support main points with more detailed and relevant examples. Each argument presented should ideally be followed by a specific example or evidence that strengthens that point.
task achievement
Fully respond to the task by addressing all parts of the prompt. Make sure to present a clear argument throughout the essay and avoid contradicting points that can confuse the examiner about your stance.
task achievement
Develop ideas more comprehensively. Expand on your arguments by explaining how and why you hold your position, providing a more in-depth analysis.
task achievement
Incorporate a wider range of relevant examples to substantiate your claims. This makes your essay more persuasive and satisfies the requirement for task completion.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Civic responsibility
  • Charitable work
  • Community enhancement
  • Volunteerism
  • Life skills
  • Work experience
  • Community engagement
  • Resentment
  • Academic commitments
  • Lifelong commitment
  • Compulsory service
  • Personal development
  • Prosocial behavior
  • Empathy
  • Grassroots initiatives
  • Social cohesion
  • Philanthropy
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