Write about the following topic: More children in developed countries are becoming overweight. This is a serious problem for wealthy countries. Discuss some causes and effects of this problem. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
Conventional wisdom says that easy time creates lazy people.
While
wealthy nations provide an easy lifestyle to their citizens, more young adults are becoming victims of obesity because of junk food and fewer outdoor activities.
To begin
with, developed territories have established the mechanism for instant accessibility of processed food which is the main culprit for juveniles becoming unhealthy. Additionally
, due to
technological advancements, they are equipped with the latest gadgets which lead them to play indoor games resulting in less physical outdoor activities. For instance
, many adolescents in the United States of America are not only playing video games for prolonged hours but also
eating burgers and drinking colas while
gaming. Hence
, the smooth access to facilities is one of the main reasons for them being overweight.
Having excessive weight can lead to many health-related problems such
as adiposity, hyper blood pressure and many more. Moreover
, it can hinder the career of a person where physical fitness is the qualifying criteria
to be shortlisted. To illustrate, an aspiring candidate who is willing to join the national army would Fix the agreement mistake
criterion
require
to be fit and healthy which is not possible for an obese candidate. Wrong verb form
be required
Thus
, it can affect the physical as well as
the professional life of someone.
To conclude
, privileged global territories are providing many facilities to the public for an easy life which can be responsible for developing issues related to obesity. The regime should take pre-emptive measures and promote
the younger generation to indulge in outdoor activities and restrict packaged meals and beverages.Verb problem
encourage
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task achievement
To improve, consider expanding on the effects of childhood obesity beyond health problems and career implications. For instance, discuss social or psychological effects.
coherence cohesion
Ensure coherence by using more linking devices to connect paragraphs, such as 'Furthermore', 'However', or 'In addition'.
coherence cohesion
You provided a clear thesis statement in the introduction, setting a strong foundation for the essay.
task achievement
You used relevant examples, such as the impact of obesity on army recruitment, which strengthened your argument.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?
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