More children in developed countries are becoming overweight. This is a serious problem for wealthy countries. Discuss some causes and effects of this problem. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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Conventional wisdom says that easy time creates lazy people.

While

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wealthy nations provide an easy lifestyle to their citizens, more young adults are becoming victims of obesity because of junk food and fewer outdoor activities.

To begin

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with, developed territories have established the mechanism for instant accessibility of processed food which is the main culprit for juveniles becoming unhealthy.

Additionally

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due to

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technological advancements, they are equipped with the latest gadgets which lead them to play indoor games resulting in less physical outdoor activities.

For instance

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, many adolescents in the United States of America are not only playing video games for prolonged hours but

also

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eating burgers and drinking colas

while

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gaming.

Hence

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, the smooth access to facilities is one of the main reasons for them being overweight. Having excessive weight can lead to many health-related problems

such

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as adiposity, hyper blood pressure and many more.

Moreover

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, it can hinder the career of a person where physical fitness is the qualifying

criteria

Fix the agreement mistake

criterion

show examples

to be shortlisted. To illustrate, an aspiring candidate who is willing to join the national army would

require

Wrong verb form

be required

show examples

to be fit and healthy which is not possible for an obese candidate.

Thus

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, it can affect the physical

as well as

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the professional life of someone.

To conclude

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, privileged global territories are providing many facilities to the public for an easy life which can be responsible for developing issues related to obesity. The regime should take pre-emptive measures and

promote

Verb problem

encourage

show examples

the younger generation to indulge in outdoor activities and restrict packaged meals and beverages.

hvyasTue Apr 05 2022

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task achievement

To improve, consider expanding on the effects of childhood obesity beyond health problems and career implications. For instance, discuss social or psychological effects.

coherence cohesion

Ensure coherence by using more linking devices to connect paragraphs, such as 'Furthermore', 'However', or 'In addition'.

coherence cohesion

You provided a clear thesis statement in the introduction, setting a strong foundation for the essay.

task achievement

You used relevant examples, such as the impact of obesity on army recruitment, which strengthened your argument.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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12
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

255 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

obesity
calorie intake
sedentary lifestyle
nutritional understanding
overfeeding
convenience over nutrition
electronic devices
dietary choices
self-esteem
medical expenditure
academic success

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More children in developed countries are becoming overweight. This is a serious problem for wealthy countries. Discuss some causes and effects of this problem. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Your opinion

Many people believe that education standards have declined in recent times, particularly in the areas of literacy and numeracy. Discuss the causes of this problem and offer some possible solutions to it.

In the future, people may no longer be able to pay for things in shops using cash. All payments may have to be made by card or using phones. Do you think this will happen one day? Why do you thinks some people might not be happy to give up using cash?

Some people think that it is more beneficial to take part in sports which are played in teams, like football, while other people think that taking part in individual sports, like tennis or swimming, is better. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Some people believe that we should not use animals as testing materials for human beings because this is too cruel. To what extent do you agree or disagree?