IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people think that the detailed criminal description on newspaper and TV has bad influences, so this kind of infornation should be restricted on the media. To what extend do you agree or disagree? You should write at least 250 words

#people #description #newspaper #tv #influences #infornation #media
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In
this
Linking Words
 ever-changing world, due to the development of technology,
information
Use synonyms
 can reach people worldwide much more easily, which may even include the detailed description of
Add an article
the criminal
show examples
criminal
Fix the agreement mistake
criminals
show examples
. There are some ideas that
those
Change the determiner
that information
show examples
information
Use synonyms
 should be restricted
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
newspaper
Fix the agreement mistake
newspapers
show examples
 and television as
they
Correct pronoun usage
it
show examples
 will cause a myriad of consequences.
Thus
Linking Words
, I
am wholeheartedly oppose
Change the verb form
wholeheartedly oppose
show examples
this
Linking Words
 opinion.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, it exists copious opinions
of
Change preposition
about
show examples
 restricting focused criminal description
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 media due to its negative effects.
This
Linking Words
 is understandable as when posting those kinds of
information
Use synonyms
, there will be an imitation.
For instance
Linking Words
, young people may learn the new way of cheating and frauding citizens in order to steal their money through knowledge provided by media platforms. These actions are believed to lead to more
number of
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
crimes
such
Linking Words
 as stealing or
murdering
Replace the word
murder
show examples
, for that reason, they should be restricted or even banned on news.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, providing advanced knowledge about how criminals work to some extent is not utterly negative and should not be limited. When residents acknowledge
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
that issue by reading the
information
Use synonyms
 about them on
social
Add an article
the social
a social
show examples
platform
Fix the agreement mistake
platforms
show examples
, individuals are more likely to avoid
from
Change preposition
apply
show examples
being deceived or even
preventing
Wrong verb form
prevent
show examples
 what will happen.
For example
Linking Words
, there are more and more new methods of transferring drugs worldwide
such
Linking Words
 as hiding in toys or in
body
Add an article
the body
show examples
 by swallowing in. When
citizens
Add a verb
arecitizens
werecitizens
show examples
 aware of how criminals do that, it is easier for them to find out and report to the police. Not to mention the fact that even when those crimes are imitated, it takes less time and effort for
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 to discover and prevent them. All things considered, I am inclined to believe
that specific descriptions
Change the determiner
that specific description
those specific descriptions
show examples
 of
criminal
Fix the agreement mistake
criminals
show examples
 are
no
Correct your spelling
not
show examples
 need to be strictly controlled despite
of
Remove the preposition
apply
show examples
some
insubstiantial
Correct your spelling
insubstantial
substantial
 effects it may
brings
Change the verb form
bring
show examples
 back. It is tough to imagine how people can deal
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
when
less
Change the quantifier
fewer
show examples
 types of
information
Use synonyms
 are provided.
Submitted by doibichhoa on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: